I’ve Busted The Conspiracy

I know why I was forced to buy a hew hairbrush.

It has become the community brush.  My wife uses it, my daughter uses it and the boy is using it.

My old one was small and could fit in the medicine cabinet over the sink and the new one that I was forced to buy was large and not suitable to store anywhere but on the side of the sink or on the tank of the toilet.

I knew it was a conspiracy!  I knew that there was something more than just my wife wanting me to “update” my hairbrush.  They don’t go out of style.  It’s a hairbrush!!!!!

There are a few things that skive me.  Things that no matter what – I am just not going to share with anyone!  They include my toothbrush, underwear, bathing suit, and my hair brush! 

So you know what?  I kept my old brush.  That’s right!  I saved it!  Hid it so that others could not find it and when I discovered this nefarious little plot the family had going I pulled it back out.  I pulled it out and used it.  Yeah, so you all can go on with your bad selfs and keep using that new brush and I’ll have mine safely tuckered away. 

Momma didn’t raise no fool!

Guess Who I Saw Today

I have been in a really weird mood lately.  I don’t know why.  I just feel goofy, I feel like doing goofy things, and just being all around goofy.

Yesterday, after work, I stopped by my sister’s house (the same one I spoke about in the last post and called to wish a happy belated birthday) and needed to take her to pick her car up at the shop.  While we were driving I pointed to a guy standing on the side of the road like he was waiting for a bus and I said to her, “See that guy over there?”

Her:  Yeah!?

Me: So do I.

The car gets really quiet and after a moment she asks:  What was that about?

Me:  (laughs)

So then we pull up to the repair shop and before she gets out I say to her, “Guess who I saw today!”

Her:  I don’t know, who?

Me:  Lots of people! (laughs my ass off)

Her:  You’re a dork! (slams the car door as she gets out)

I laughed all the way home. 

I know.  It’s stupid, it’s childish and idiotic but what can I tell you, I am just in one of those moods.  It is certainly no way for a 30ish guy to act.  But that was 3 times yesterday that I got my sister with something stupid.

That Was A Good One Wasn’t It?

I am terrible when it comes to laughing at inappropriate times.  If there is something funny said or done when it is not the right place or time I will almost always laugh. 

This usually gets me into some trouble, especially my wife, who hates that I will embarrass her or, in the case of the children, encourage them to continue their funny ways.

The latest occurance is one involving my soon to be 5 year old son.  My wife and I were strolling through the local farmers market and were browsing in the furniture store where they make all the hand crafted wood tables and shelves and such and in there they also have many of the rustic or country decorations. 

My wife and I were very involved in looking in this store as we are looking for some new pieces to go with the newly painted rooms.  We were having a discussion when out of the handcrafted gazebo inside the store jumps out my son. 

He lands in a karate stance and yells “Look I am Michelangelo!”

He begins to swing wildly two hand crafted candles, the kind that have the wicks attached that you hang from a wall, like they are nunchucks. 

For all those that don’t get the Michelangelo reference, that is the name of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

My wife was mortified. 

I laughed. 

She scowled at me and yelled at him.  She yanked the candles from his hands and hung them back up in the gazebo and stormed out of the store all embarrassed leaving him and I standing there.

I took his hand to leave and find my wife when he looks up at me and says “That was a good one, wasn’t it?”

Yes Buddy, it was!

Talk Radio Anyone?

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately in the car traveling up and down the New Jersey Turnpike.  Work has had me on the road more than I have been home.  I’m road weary, beat up and tired of living out of a hotel, eating out and sleeping alone.

Since I am beaten down I am going to open up a little and let you into my mind. 

I love to listen to music but I find that when I am on long drives, like up and down the New Jersey Turnpike, I find that I cannot listen to music.  Why?  I have no idea.

I just know that I drive better listening to Talk Radio than when I am listening to music.  It could be anything, NPR, Rush Limbaugh, Sports Talk or some radio preacher, I just need some bland and boring talk in the car. 

It is not because I am lonely or crave the sound of the human voice.  It is not like I talk back to the people on the radio, or actually listen to what they say.  There is something about the drone of the talking that comforts me while I drive. 

I have found in the past that I have been driving at illegal speeds when listen to the radio.  I get a great song on and all of a sudden I look down at the speedometer and I’ll be pushing 90 mph.  On the NJ Turnpike 90 is usually the norm.

 Does this make me odd?  Probably.  I mean who listens to talk radio unless they really want to hear what is being said? 

That is the thing about my mind.  I have these totally weird, odd quirks that separate me from the normal. 

What have I learned from the radio?  Jesus loves me because I’m a Democrat hating Republican that thinks that Pete Rose should win the Stanley Cup in Israel because a Palestinian State would help the NFL drug policy become Hannaitized.

You’re all a great American!

A Penny Dropped…..

Find a Penny, pick it up, and all day long, you’ll have good luck!

 

That’s me.  If there is money lying on the ground I am picking it up but not because I am expecting any additional good luck nor do I care if it is on heads or tails.  I’ll pick it up.  I am not superstitious. 

 

I have always been that way.  It is not like I am poor and need the money but I will pick it up and place it in my pocket and at the end of the day I have a coin jug that I will put my change in. 

 

The coin jug is kept in my bedroom but is shared by myself and the kids.  What we do is fill the jug with change or dollars to be converted and used for our big summer vacation. 

 

Right before vacation we will take the coins to the bank and convert them to dollars to be used how ever we want.  Maybe it is a fancy dinner, maybe it is a special souvenir, maybe for a night at the boardwalk to ride the rides and play some games. 

 

This year my son has been really keeping his eyes to the ground and he has been finding a lot of change.  When I asked him what he was planning on using his vacation money for he stated that he wanted a Tshirt.  Just hearing that he has plans makes me happy.  He is learning that he needs to save to get something he wants. 

 

As soon as our vacation is over, the kids and I will start the coin jug up even before we have decided what the next vacation destination will be.  We’ll keep our eyes to the ground picking up the money we find. 

 

The way I see it, the folks that dropped the money is just helping to pay for our vacation.

 

Thanks folks, and keep dropping that change!

Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Reading?

Do you ever feel like you are reading too much?  That everything you start to read you never finish?

That is me.  I think I have too much to read.  And I read everything.

Here is my current list…

1 novel – First Counsel – Brad Meltzer – still working on getting through this book

5 monthly magazines – Time, Newsweek, Wizard, Readers Digest and Big Backyard (for the kids)

2 trade publications (for work)

2 daily newspapers

 23 Monthly Comic Books

Blogs

Forums.

I keep many of my magazines in the bathroom.  Doesn’t everyone?  Anyway there is only so much time one can spend in there reading.  By the time I get done with any of the mags the next one has arrived in the mail. 

It is really getting to become too much for me.  I am having a hard time keeping on top of it all.  When I travel for work and have to fly or take the train, I get close to getting caught up on my reading.  But when I get home I get behind.  Too many activities to get any reading done.

I find that I am a news junkie.  I read the newspaper every morning, then I scour the internet for the latest news.  I read Time and Newsweek for the news too.  They will have articles that you just don’t find in the newspapers. 

I forgot to mention that I read to my kids too.  Usually in the evening, before they go to bed.  My daughter is reading well on her own but she will often join my and the son for story time.  I will read them books or an article out of their Big Backyard magazine.

Is this just another one of my odd compulsions?

or

Is there such a thing as being addicted to reading? 

Hello, my name is Idle Ramblings and I am addicted to reading.

I Was Wrong – Again

This time it is about one of my Compulsions.  When I load the dishwasher I have to have it loaded a certain way.  If it is not, I will take everything all out and then reload it the correct way.  My wife and I have had major arguments over this topic and it has been  really ugly at times. 

My biggest peeve is how the silverware is loaded.  I have to have all the spoons in one section of the silverware basket, all the knifes in another, and all the forks in yet another.  They also have to all be handles down.  This makes it easier to unload too.  Then I can grab a handful of spoons and BAM! they are away.  Grab a fistful of forks and BAM! they are away.  Quick, easy, simple and efficient! 

So last night, my wife approaches me with a huge grin on her face and in her right hand is a rolled up magazine.  I thought that I was about to get hit for something and I get ready to take evasive action when she tosses me the latest Consumers Report. 

She told me to turn to page 41 and read the bottom about loading a Dishwasher.  As I read through it, everything I know about loading is holding true until I get to the last 2 items.   “… mix spoons, forks, and knives to prevent them from sticking together.”  As I get done reading it all I look back up to my wife who starts yelling, “See!  See!  I am not an idiot!  The silverware is supposed to be all mixed up!  You have been complaining and reloading for years for no reason!  Don’t you feel stupid!” 

So I am wrong.  Again.  And I don’t feel stupid about it.  I guess that this is one compulsion that I can scratch off my list and get over.  No more stressing about how the dishwasher is loaded. 

Now about that toilet paper…………………..

Another Look At My Compulsions

I have had time to think about my compulsions lately.  Maybe it is more than thinking, maybe it is more like obsessing over them.  I started a list of the compulsions I have.  As I got to writing these things down I never realized how compulsive I am. 

• When I make a sandwich with lunchmeat and cheese I have to put down the meat on the bread first then cheese.  Cheese never goes first.  But Cheese is always the last.  So this means that on one side the bread, condiment and meat touch and the other side the bread, condiment and cheese touch and yet I have to make the sandwich by laying the meat first.
• When I make peanut butter and jelly, I have to make the sandwich with first the peanut butter and then the jelly.
• When I drop the Browns off at the Superbowl, I have to wipe a minimum of three wipes.  No less no matter how clean the TP looks after the wipe.  (You know you all look too so don’t get all grossed out.)
• When I first enter my hotel room, the first thing I do is to put the shampoo and the conditioner and soap in the shower. 
• When I cut the grass it is always the same pattern and direction. 
• Every Sunday I have to listen to Breakfast with the Beatles.
• In my office at work I have to sit facing the door.  If I am away from my own office and I don’t have my own desk to work at I will find an empty conference room where I can sit at the table facing the door. 
• Dishwasher has to be loaded with cups all in one spot, plates together, spoons in one slot, forks in another, etc…
• When I am in the shower I have to wash my hair first, and then face, then the rest of the body from shoulders to toes. 

 I am sure I have more and just the few I have written so far is enough for all of my regular readers (all 4 of you) to give me hell over. 

 

New Cell Phone

I recently purchased the new Verizon Gleam.  I like its features and how slim the phone is.  It has great sound and is a great improvement over my old phone.  What I don’t like about the phone is where it has to be charged.  There is this little tiny opening or slot that you have to place  your fingernail into to get to where you insert the charger.  For most people this is not an issue but for me, I am a terrible nail biter.  Yes, it is true.  I have a complusion other than Toilet Paper. 

My nails are down to nearly nothing.  I know it is a bad habit.  There are worse habits to have and no one really makes an issue of it until something like this comes along.  I was at work and needed my phone charged in a bad way and I could not get it open.  I searched all around for something in the office that I could use to get the little charger slot opened.  A letter opener was too big and a box cutter blade was too flimsy.  I finally MacGuyvered a paperclip that helped me get it open.  What a pain in the ass that was.  I don’t know what I am going to do if I lose my paper clip. 

Maybe what I should do is try to let at least one nail grow out as my phone nail.   

I’m Not Eco-Friendly

Someone left the bathroom faucet partially on again.  It was dripping a quick drip.  For some reason this annoys me. 

I believe that this is the fault of my father.  He was very crazy about people in our house letting water run or leaving lights on in a room when no one is there.  My father was not a conservationist except when it came to money.  He could really not care less about how the running water effected the environment.  He did care about how much the electric bill or the water bill was going to be at then end of the month. 

If you left the room, even for just a moment, you would get yelled at.  If you left the water running while brushing your teeth, you got yelled at.  He could be in another room, no, another floor in the house and hear the water running or see a light on. 

I learned quickly how not to get yelled at by my father.  I learned quickly not to let the water run or leave lights on.  As a result, I am left with this compulsion when it comes to lighting and running water that has carried over to today to where I yell at my kids for the same things I was yelled at over.  I will even yell at my wife over this issue. 

Where I work, the sink is constantly dripping because someone does not turn the water completely off when they are done washing their hands.  Even though I am not paying for it, I feel the need to turn the water completely off to stop the water from running.  Or if I am walking by an empty room I need to turn off the lights.  One coworker noticed me doing this and made the comment that I must be some sort of tree hugger.  The truth is that I don’t do it because it is the eco-friendly, conservation, Al Gore approved way of life.  I do it because this is something the old man drilled into my head.    

 My dad – reducing his carbon footprint before it became a fad.