CNN Runs The World

I would suggest that you start here with this post before you read today’s post.   It is very important that you see where this starts.

I was over my sister-in law’s again picking up my daughter and I am no sooner in the house when she starts on me.

Her:  You never told me that Georgia was our Georgia

Me: What?

Her: The other day when we were talking about Georgia.  You didn’t tell me there were two Georgias. 

Me:  I knew what Georgia I was talking about.  What one were you talking about?

Her:  You had me thinging that Russia was invading our Georgia.  And that is why I was all confused. 

Me:  I didn’t have you thinking any such thing.  You had that preconceived notion already in your head.

Her:  I had a what?

Me:  You already had the idea in your head that Russia attacked the American Georgia.

Her:  Why would Russia attack our Georgia?

Me:  Maybe because CNN has its headquarters in Atlanta

Her:  Why would Russia want CNN?

Me:  Wolf Blitzer

Her:  Who?

Me:  Wolf.  He’s that anchor for CNN and he has a really cool name.  Sounds tough.  Like no one should %$@! with him.  But seriously, if Russia controlled CNN they would control the world.

Her:  How does CNN give you control of the world?

Me:  Everyone watched CNN for the news.  They are the world leader in news. Russia wants to be a world leader.  They need CNN.

Her:  Can’t they make their own CNN?

Me:  No one would watch it. 

Her:  Why not?

Me:  Ummm….. because it is all in Russian.

Her:  Oh (laughs)

Me:  The Russians are not going to invade us, they don’t want our Georgia and they don’t want our CNN.  Especially while Larry King is with CNN.

Her:  What is wrong with Larry King?

Me:  Everything.  Like what is he a King of?

Her:  It’s his name.  He is not king of anything.

Me:  Are you sure?

Her:  (thinks for a few seconds) I am pretty sure.

Me:  So tell me something about Larry King

Her:  (thinks for a moment)  I don’t know.

Me:  No one does.  Neither does Russia.  That is why we won’t have to worry about Russia attacking us as long as Larry King is on CNN. 

Her:  But what about the other Georgia

Me:  What about it?

Her:  Are we going to do anything about it? 

Me:  Probably not.

Her:  Why?

Me:  Because most people are like you.  They think that our Georgia was invaded and when they found out that their beloved peaches were safe they lacked any caring or compassion.  As long as people can get to Disney World they are content to let Russia do their thing.

Her:  What would you do?

Me:  Me?  I’m going to start to learn Russian.

Her:  Why? 

Me:  Because Larry King is only going to live a few more years and then Russia will be coming for CNN.

Her:  Seriously?

Me:  Nyet

You’re Cut Off From Disney World!

Russia invaded Georgia. 

That lead to a very interesting conversation with my sister in law Donna.  Below is how it transpired and yes I was trying to mess with her throughout the conversation.  And I would not really consider this a true Donnaism either.

Donna:  Russia is attacking Georgia.  Do you think we will go to war with Russia.

Me:  No.  It is not our conflict.  It is between Georgia and Russia.

Donna:  But we should be defending Georgia.

Me:  Why?  They have their own army.

Donna:  They do?  Since when?

Me:  Since they won their Independence.

Donna:  They did?  When was that?

Me:  A few years ago they broke away and declared their independence.

Donna: Why did we let them do that?

Me:  It was good for us.  Why would we stop something that would be good for us?

Donna:  How is that good for us?  And why is Russia attacking it?

Me:  Russia wants its oil and the access to the seas.

Donna:  Doesn’t Russia have access to its own seas?

Me:  Yes but they also want Georgia’s too.

Donna:  (sits quietly for a few moments thinking and then says) If Russia wins, will we have to now go around Georgia to get to Disney?

Me:  That’s taking the long way to get to Disney.  Why not just go right down the 95?

Donna: Doesn’t the 95 go through Georgia?

Me:  If Russia wins, we are going to move the 95 to go over Georgia.

Donna:  What???

Me:  What?

Donna:  What are you talking about?

Me:  What are you talking about?  People are dying in a war and you are worried about Micky Mouse and Donald Duck.  How pitiful is that?  It’s not all about you you know!

Donna:  (gets up and walks away)

Donnaism Returns

I know it has been a while since I have given you, my 6 regular readers, any Donnaisms.  Unfortunately, it has been a while since I’ve really hung out with her.

This weekend I did have that chance to spend some time with her. 

She was telling us how it was time to renew her vehicle registration for the state and how she was confused on how to fill out the paperwork.

I asked what was so confusing and she responded that she did not know what to write for the odometer numbers.  I said that she writes what it says on the odometer and I even explained where it was located on her dashboard. 

“I know that”, she responded, “I just don’t know what number to write down because it keeps changing.”

Folks, I can’t make this stuff up.

I’m Rambling

I really don’t have much to write about in a full post so I am going to post a bunch of quick little rambling comments if you all don’t mind.

• The painting part is pretty much done.  I have some touch ups to do when I get home this weekend (yes, I am traveling again for work in the NYC area) and I have one last window to install that I did not get to due to a friend issue  that ruined my day.  He’s still in jail, by the way.

 

• This new rental car I have for the week has been challenging to me.  Now I am a pretty smart guy but this Infinity G35 has one of those keyless ignitions that proved difficult for me to turn on.  The first three times I got it on by dumb luck before I figured out that you need to put your foot on the brake before bushing the On button.  I also had a difficult time opening the gas tank.  The car did not have any buttons or latches to make it open and I was just about ready to just pour the gas all over the outside of the car in hopes that some of it might reach the gas tank or be absorbed into the car through the cracks and then I discovered, that all I had to do was push on the right top of the gas door to open it. 

 

• I’ve talked about my Sister In Law Donna and the dumb things she says and I even have a whole section on this blog devoted to her donnaisms.  Her latest - wait for it - “Can you burn fire?”  Then, during the same night she was talking about how things are turning bad and said “It’s all down here now” instead of It’s all down hill now.  Yikes.

Like I said, a few odd little rambling items and none of them enough to make a full post but I did want to get them out there before I forgot them.

Donnaism Again

We were talking about some famous music groups from Philly, over the weekend, and my brother in law mentions “Hall and Oats”. 

My sister in law Donna then proceeds to tell us that she never got that group.  I asked her why? 

She asked “What does Hall and Oats have to do with a city like Philly” 

“What do you mean?  It is their names?”  I say

“I know it is their name but what does Hall and Oats have to do with Philly?  There are no farms around.  What does HAULING OATS do with a city.  No one hauls oats around here.  It should be hauling trash or something.”

I think I bruised my hip as I fell off my chair and hit the floor in laughter.

New Donnaism

It snowed here, finally, the other night and we went over to Donna’s - my sister-in-law - so that all the kids could go sledding. 

While they were out sledding she started to make some hot chocolate for all the kids and poured them small cups.  When the kids all came in and stripped out of their outerwear they came and took some sips and then ran to the basement to play.

After a few minutes Donna called down to the kids, “You better get up here and drink this hot chocolate I made!  If it gets any cooler it will be cold!”

I’m just thankful that the laws of thermodynamics work in her house too.