Donnaisms

I have decided to collect my Donnaisms on this page.

Donnaism Part 1

I have a sister-in-law that known to say some pretty stupid and strange things.  The latest one just occurred.  She was having some trouble with something of hers and she called me for help.  I would usually help but since I am traveling this week and I am not home I could not help her.  The following exchange really happened.

 Me:  I can’t help you from here.  Maybe you should call the toll free number for help.

Her:  Is it a free toll free number?

Me: (can’t stop laughing)

Her:  (hangs up phone)

Donnaisms – Part 2

I wrote before about my sister-in-law and the weird, off the wall things she says.  It has been a while since I have talked to her but she never fails to disappoint. 

She was very excited about a new vacuum that she had purchased on QVC.  She started to explain all the features that lured her into buying this particular model when she said proudly and excitedly, ”And the best part is that it has suction!”

Donnaism – Part 3

I mentioned the stupid stuff my sister-in-law says in the previous Donnaism posts and I now have another.

We were talking about the latest Lindsey Lohan arrest and my sister proceeded to say “She has the world at her ass, she does not need to be doing this.”

 After we were done laughing our own asses off about what she just said we explained that the reason we found it so funny was because the correct phrase is “world at her feet.”

The woman kills me.  She is a classic, that one.

Donnaism Part 4

Welcome to today’s installment of Donnaisms.  Again my sister-in-law has come up with not just one, but two wonderful manglings of the English language.  Our conversation begain with Donna telling my wife and I about how much trouble her oldest daughter was and how they had been arguing all night.  Her oldest daughter is 10.  Below is the conversation.  Enjoy….

Donna:  … I told her that she can have a few minutes on the computer to check her email and little did I know that husband was down there doing work.  Well, that is our bread and milk down there.

Me:  (trying to stifle a laugh)

Wife:  Donna!  It’s bread and butter!  Not bread and milk! (starts laughing)

Me: (laughing harder now) 

Donna:  You guys know what I mean.  (for some reason she is getting mad at us)

Donna:  It’s just a saying.  It’s not about how you say it.

Me and Wife:  (Roaring with laughter)

I seriously think I pulled a rib laughing so hard after she said this.  My wife was in tears.  It took me 5 minutes to calm down just to be able to sit back upright in my chair.  I am not sure when, but at some point my sister-in-law had left the room.  I had not laughed so hard in a long time.

Donnaism Part 5

My sister in law is at it again with her Donnaisms.  Tonight we were all at a party and by the end of the night it had wound down to just a few.  She was discussing how she and her husband always uses the same position when they are intimate.  She says “I’m a little COD” which made us all fall out of our chairs laughing.  Her friend said ” I think it’s called OCD” to which my sister in law responded “no, I’m ODD” 

That you are!  That you are!

Donnaisms Part 6

My sister in law is at it again.  She is on a roll lately.  Her latest Donnaism comes during a conversation yesterday about the Philadelphia Phillies.  The discussion was about how the Philadelphia Phillies have been playing very well lately and how they are in the race for the playoff hunt. 

She turns to me and asks “How can you say that.  They have been playing really bad.  They just got their 10,000th loss this season.”

I responded back “Donna, that just shows the longevity of the team.  Other professional teams have not been around as long as the Phillies have.”

“Yeah, but they were a different team” she replied. 

“Huh?” the other family members look at each other lost

“What does it matter what the other Phillies teams did?  This one got the 10,000th loss” she says completely serious.

[insert roar of laughter here]

“Donna, the Phillies did not lose 10,000 games this season.  Hell, they have not even played that many games in your life time.  For this team to get 10,000 losses they would have to play about 1000 games a day.” I tell her.

“Oh, I thought they were all from this year”

[insert more hysterical laughter]

 She kills me.  She really kills me. 

Folks, I can not make this stuff up.  I am not this creative.

Donnaism Part 7

It has been a while since I wrote about my sister-in-law and her unintentional but comical mangling of thought and language.  I refer to this as Donnaisms.  

The latest occurred today while talking to her.  I am on the west coast and she is on the east coast.  There is a time difference between the two coasts but I did not realize that she did not know how much.  During our conversation she asked me what time it was and I responded that it was three o’clock to which she asked me –  morning or afternoon?

After my sudden burst of laughter in her ear she asked me if that was a silly question.  Of course I told her yes and explained that there was only 3 hours difference not 12. 

You gotta love her.   

Not Really A Donnaism But….

Her daughter wanted one of those mini reading lights that attach to a book so that she can read at night. She was telling us that she looked all over the place and could not find it. She went to Target, Walmart, Riteaid, CVS, Walgreens, everywhere. My wife asked if she tried Borders or Barnes & Nobels to which Donna replied, “Why would I go there?”

Without this woman I would have so little material.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Donnaism Again

We were talking about some famous music groups from Philly, over the weekend, and my brother in law mentions “Hall and Oats”. 

My sister in law Donna then proceeds to tell us that she never got that group.  I asked her why? 

She asked “What does Hall and Oats have to do with a city like Philly” 

“What do you mean?  It is their names?”  I say

“I know it is their name but what does Hall and Oats have to do with Philly?  There are no farms around.  What does HAULING OATS do with a city.  No one hauls oats around here.  It should be hauling trash or something.”

I think I bruised my hip as I fell off my chair and hit the floor in laughter.