I’ve Never Had A Big Mac

I was watching TV the other day and saw a commercial for McDonalds Big Mac and it got me to thinking that I have never had a Big Mac.  I have never had a Burger King Whopper either.

These are the signature sandwiches.  The main burgers.  The big meat!

They have never appealed to me. 

I don’t eat much fast food and when I do it is Panara Bread or Wendy’s. 

Now, suddenly, I have a curoisity to at least try one just to see what the big deal is. 

When I am forced to eat at one of these places I usually just get a double cheeseburger but now I am going to need to try a Big Mac and  Whopper.  Maybe I’ll try them together to not only try them out but to see which one is better. 

Am I odd to have never tried a Big Mac or a Whopper?

Guess Who I Saw Today

I have been in a really weird mood lately.  I don’t know why.  I just feel goofy, I feel like doing goofy things, and just being all around goofy.

Yesterday, after work, I stopped by my sister’s house (the same one I spoke about in the last post and called to wish a happy belated birthday) and needed to take her to pick her car up at the shop.  While we were driving I pointed to a guy standing on the side of the road like he was waiting for a bus and I said to her, “See that guy over there?”

Her:  Yeah!?

Me: So do I.

The car gets really quiet and after a moment she asks:  What was that about?

Me:  (laughs)

So then we pull up to the repair shop and before she gets out I say to her, “Guess who I saw today!”

Her:  I don’t know, who?

Me:  Lots of people! (laughs my ass off)

Her:  You’re a dork! (slams the car door as she gets out)

I laughed all the way home. 

I know.  It’s stupid, it’s childish and idiotic but what can I tell you, I am just in one of those moods.  It is certainly no way for a 30ish guy to act.  But that was 3 times yesterday that I got my sister with something stupid.

Happy Belated Birthday!

One of the stupid, mindless, random acts of foolishnessthat will from time to time pop into my head just occured.  I called my sister and wished her a belated Happy Birthday.

Her birthday was a month ago and I did call her on her birthday but I thought it would be funny to hear her reaction when I called at 8 AM while she was half asleep and wish her a belated happy birthday.

ME: Good Morning!

Her:  Good Morning!

ME:  How is your day going?

Her:  Good.  What do you need?

ME:  Nothing.  I just wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday.

Her: What?

ME:  I just wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday.

Her:  What?  You told me happy birthday already.

ME:  Yeah, but that was last month.  I wanted to give you a belated happy birthday.

Her:  You’re an idiot!  (hangs up the phone)

I had to laugh at how funny that was.  So now I am inspired to go out and wish a few others a belated happy birthday.  I think I’ll call my mom, my mother-in-law, definitely have to call my sister-in-law Donna, she really won’t know what to say.  So many calls, so little time.

I’m Rambling

I really don’t have much to write about in a full post so I am going to post a bunch of quick little rambling comments if you all don’t mind.

• The painting part is pretty much done.  I have some touch ups to do when I get home this weekend (yes, I am traveling again for work in the NYC area) and I have one last window to install that I did not get to due to a friend issue  that ruined my day.  He’s still in jail, by the way.

 

• This new rental car I have for the week has been challenging to me.  Now I am a pretty smart guy but this Infinity G35 has one of those keyless ignitions that proved difficult for me to turn on.  The first three times I got it on by dumb luck before I figured out that you need to put your foot on the brake before bushing the On button.  I also had a difficult time opening the gas tank.  The car did not have any buttons or latches to make it open and I was just about ready to just pour the gas all over the outside of the car in hopes that some of it might reach the gas tank or be absorbed into the car through the cracks and then I discovered, that all I had to do was push on the right top of the gas door to open it. 

 

• I’ve talked about my Sister In Law Donna and the dumb things she says and I even have a whole section on this blog devoted to her donnaisms.  Her latest – wait for it – “Can you burn fire?”  Then, during the same night she was talking about how things are turning bad and said “It’s all down here now” instead of It’s all down hill now.  Yikes.

Like I said, a few odd little rambling items and none of them enough to make a full post but I did want to get them out there before I forgot them.

Talk Radio Anyone?

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately in the car traveling up and down the New Jersey Turnpike.  Work has had me on the road more than I have been home.  I’m road weary, beat up and tired of living out of a hotel, eating out and sleeping alone.

Since I am beaten down I am going to open up a little and let you into my mind. 

I love to listen to music but I find that when I am on long drives, like up and down the New Jersey Turnpike, I find that I cannot listen to music.  Why?  I have no idea.

I just know that I drive better listening to Talk Radio than when I am listening to music.  It could be anything, NPR, Rush Limbaugh, Sports Talk or some radio preacher, I just need some bland and boring talk in the car. 

It is not because I am lonely or crave the sound of the human voice.  It is not like I talk back to the people on the radio, or actually listen to what they say.  There is something about the drone of the talking that comforts me while I drive. 

I have found in the past that I have been driving at illegal speeds when listen to the radio.  I get a great song on and all of a sudden I look down at the speedometer and I’ll be pushing 90 mph.  On the NJ Turnpike 90 is usually the norm.

 Does this make me odd?  Probably.  I mean who listens to talk radio unless they really want to hear what is being said? 

That is the thing about my mind.  I have these totally weird, odd quirks that separate me from the normal. 

What have I learned from the radio?  Jesus loves me because I’m a Democrat hating Republican that thinks that Pete Rose should win the Stanley Cup in Israel because a Palestinian State would help the NFL drug policy become Hannaitized.

You’re all a great American!

It’s All About You This Morning

Dear Mister I Am So Important That I Have To Have My Cell Phone On Speaker And I Have To Talk Loudly So That All Of Panara Bread Can Hear Me,

I find it amazing that in today’s world, with the invention of Bluetooth technology and how hip and cool it is to run around town with these little Bluetooth pieces dangling off the ear, you find a need to use the acient and uncool mode of communication in the form of a Nextel phone.  Not only did you yell loud enough for all to hear you side of the conversation but you also had the volume on your phone set so that everyone in Panara could hear the caller as well.

Is your ego that big that you need to show off how important you think you are?  Or are you just a person that craves attention because you have such low self esteem that you need to have other think that you are more important than you really are?

Either way, it didn’t work.  No one was impressed.  No one was aggravated with you.  No one cared. 

Until I came along. 

You see, if I had the luxury of time, I would have done much more to mess with you and your phone call.  You see, pompass asses like you provide me entertainment.  If I had the time I would have sat at the table next to you and been just as rude to you as you were being to the other patrons in Panara.

The only thing I was capable of in the short amount of time that I was there was to walk up towards you table as I was leaving and “accidentally” crash into the table and chairs along side of you and “sneeze” just as I was about to pass you and while I was grabbing a few napkins out of the dispenser behind you I picked up my own phone and pretended loudly to have my own phone conversation.

I could have done much more but as I said before I didn’t have time.

Unfortunately, you were so self absorbed that my actions had very little impact on your own conversation. 

I do hope you are there tomorrow.  I’ll have more time tomorrow. 

Silly Search Terms – Revisited – Again

It is that time to post a few of the amusing and funny search terms that have drawn traffic to my site or, as I affectionately refer to as “I can’t think of anything to write about so I will go to the old trusted standby of the funny and amusing search terms to find this silly little blog”. 

So without further ado……

Good Things That Have To Do With Animal – I so hope that this had nothing to do with kinky wild sex with donkeys, goats or any other animal.  I want them tested on, not molested on.

Can Dead Animals Be Used For Animal Test – If we test some new cancer treatment or antibiotic on the dead creature and it kills them, how will we ever know?

My Son’s Butthole Itches – So scratch it!

My Wife Peed In The Car. How Do I Get Th- Th what?!?!?  This is a story I am interested in hearing about.

Blogs of a Mad Man About Animal Testing – Oh Shit!  Now I am in for it.  PETA is on to me now.  

Then a few weeks later this search term crops up -

Markalan.wordpress Animal Product Testing- This is for real.  Someone actually used this exact search term.  I am now convinced that some animal rights group is on to me.  Pretty soon I am going to have Pam Anderson or Alicia Silverstone on my door step looking for me.    Hmmm…..  on second thought, that might not be a bad thing.  Spank me baby!  I’ve been a bad boy!  I’ve talked bad about animals.  Punish me as only you know how ladies!!!!

Kara Alien Abduction – I am not the only one they are looking for.  Kara is being searched out too.  I am not sure what I would rather, have PETA looking for me or Aliens. 

I Missed My Flight – And now that you have free time, you decided to read some blogs.  I’m touched.

 Lick My Lettuce – Um…..  Is this like a new sex slang?  Like a Roman Helmet or Dirty Sanchez?

Wanking+My+Son – There is so much wrong with this one.  I want it out!

Where Backflips And Front Flips Originate – I can tell you for a fact that it was not here at Idle Ramblings.  I can’t do them anymore.  The fat gods and age have caught up to me. 

 

Glad To Be Home

I am finally home from my tour of NYC and Long Island.  It had been an interesting week for me with work.  I had been stationed out in the Hampton’s.  During the day I was working hard and in the evening I was able to explore and enjoy all that the Hampton’s has to offer.  Unfortunately, this time of year, that is not much.  It seems that everything all closes at 7PM.  That is what happens when you go to a resort during the off season.

 

What I have seen does not really impress me.  It has not been a Weekend At Bernie’s.  Traffic is all jammed up and only moves at a maximum of 30 MPH.  I assume that is only in the middle of the night because during the day there are cars all over the road by none of them are moving faster.

 

What really surprises me is that for all the money this area is supposed to have, there is no cell phone signal that my cell phone can connect to.  Verizon needs to come to the Hampton’s because no one “can hear me now”!

 

Where I have been staying is a little Bed and Breakfast and I will be the first to admit that while they are quaint, I feel very uncomfortable.  There is something about staying in someone’s house that just does not allow me to relax and unwind.  I never make my bed at home and yet I find myself obligated to make it at the B&B.  Where normally I might watch HBO late on a Thursday night, I am embarrassed to even put the TV on at all.

 

Then there is the community shower in the B&B.  I find it odd having to share the shower with other guests.  In my hotel, I like to strip and walk to the shower in my room.  In that bathroom I can lay out my toothpaste, hairbrush, shaving needs, etc…  But in the B&B I am carrying all of my items to the bathroom along with my towels and clothes to change into. 

 

Maybe it is just me and my oddities. 

 

I do know that after being away for the past three weeks I was ready to get home.  I had not seen the kids and I had not seen the wife.  I am missing cheese steaks and Philly sports.  Flyers are in the playoffs, The Phillies are leading the East and the Soul is playing their best season and yet with all that good fortune going on, I am missing it all. 

 

Finally, May is National Masturbation Month and I am stuck in a B&B where I am embarrassed to take a shit because someone else might smell it let alone to rub one out and have someone hear it.  That being said, have a very Happy May!

Alarm Clock

I have a new hobby.  It is something that I do when I travel that always amuses me.  To many, it will seem odd and dumb but I laugh everytime I do it. 

When I stay in hotels, I will set the alarm clock at 3 AM on the morning I check out so that the very next morning the alarm will go off, hopefully on an unsuspecting newcomer to the room.   

I laugh every time I do this.  I know, I know.  Very childish right?  But I get great enjoyment thinking about the next person that sleeps in that room and suddenly gets the sudden jolt to their deep sleep as the alarm goes off.

Or better yet, the room remains empty but there are people in the next room that has to hear it go off all night long. 

I don’t know why but it really cracks me up.

Still Stuck In NYC

Yep, still here. 

So yesterday a few co-workers and I strolled through the city.  We started out walking through the neighborhood of Chelsea.  My co-worker J was curious about all of the blind people walking around with their canes and was inquisitive enough to ask the waitress in the diner we ate in “Are there really a lot of blind people here?”  To which I quickly countered, “This in New York, they are not really blind people, they are just creating the next new wave of style and chic.”

The waitress laughed and walked away leaving J without her answer.  When we left the diner, I had noticed that after we turned the corner, across the street was a Blind Center.  I pointed it out to J who, being very skeptical of anything I tell her (long story but she does have a good reason), asked how did I know that was the blind center.  I pointed out that it was the only building without windows so it had to be for the blind because what do they need windows for?  They can’t see anything.  I then pointed to the small sign that stated it was a blind center.

From Chelsea we walked down through the Village and Soho.  I love walking through the city on a nice day.  Everyone comes out and makes for great people watching. 

In New York, you will find people wearing the most…………………………….um…………………………….. interesting clothing.  They range from the very colorful to the barely there to the very bold.  Everyone was out and about yesterday.  I was thoroughly entertained and enjoyed the leisurely stroll.

I had a Corporate meeting out in Queens last night so a group and I made our way out there.  Since I had a car I was the driver for a lot of my fellow co-workers.  My job was to welcome some of the others and there was not a better way to greet everyone then to head to the bar and start a tab on someone else’s account.  That’s right!  I started a bar tab for 30 people on my boss’s boss tab.  We all were very social by the time dinner rolled around. 

After the meet and greet we headed to the conference room for dinner.  After working all week in NYC and having to work through the weekend, I felt the need to drink.  And drink I did.  I was not the only one that was interested in having a good time. 

After dinner and the meeting there was about a dozen of us that wandered back to the bar and what was on the TV but the Philadelphia Flyers beating the Montreal Canadians.  And how does any proud Philadelphian celebrate the Flyers  winning the series?  Yep!  Celebratory  beers.   A lot of beers. 

Our group dwindled down to about 4 by the time last call was called.  Not realizing that it was so late I tried to excuse myself so I could go to bed.  You see, I had to drive out to the Hamptons by 10 AM this morning.  That only left me to about 5 hours of sleep and 5 hours to sober up before starting work.  Needless to say, I felt like crap all day today and all I want to do is go to bed. 

So now that I have given another Rambling update, I can head to bed.

G’night all.