Time – It’s all relative

It confuses the Hell out of me.  Today they are used interchangeably and all basically mean the same thing but technically,  all are different.

When am I supposed to use them?  How am I supposed to use them?  They mean all the same thing.  It makes no sense.

Do you have a minute?  Sure I have a second, What’s up?  This will only take a moment if you have a second.  I’ll be there in a minute.  Can you hold on a second?  Sure I can hold a moment.  Dinner will be ready in a second.  Dinner will be ready in a minute.  Did you take a moment and read that email.  I’ll read it in a second.  I need to stop for gas.  It’ll only take a minute.  Can you hold on a minute?  Hold on, let me rest for a moment.  You already rested for a second.  C’mon it will only take a minute.

When did time all blur together?  When did it all mean the same thing?

I’m so lost.

Can You Pass The Damn Mashed Potatoes?

I manscaped today.  Yep!  I am looking pretty well manscaped today.

I’m just kidding.  Really, I am sure that none of you have any desire to hear about the shaving of any parts of my body. 

When I started this blog one of the things I swore not to do was to get too personal with my readers.  I was not going to bring you into my pants nor into my bedroom, although I did do that once with my son finding the “lightsaber” in our bed.  But that was a story too good to pass up.

With all that has been going on, or not going on, in my life it is almost like I am out of things to write about that don’t expose me.  I like being anonymous.  I am not knocking anyone that opens up to their readers but that is just not me. 

So for me to come on here and talk about my tic tac dick or bald as a baby man area or my conquest of women all over the country when I travel, well, it is just not going to happen.  That’s just not me. 

I might open up more about my kids, more specifically, my son.  He is a pisser.  The kid just makes me laugh my ass off and has been talking some real jems lately.  For example, out of the blue, we are at the dining room table eating dinner as a family when he turns to my daughter and asks, “Can you pass the damn mashed potatoes?”

My humorless wife gave him that burning stare.  You know, the one that mothers have when they are trying to use their Superman-like heat vision to incinerate you where you stand, or in this case sit.  But he did not burn into a crisp. 

I did laugh and could not hold back.  And the boy said it with a straight face and was completely serious. 

Now I am not a huge swearer.  I try very hard not to curse in frontof the kids.  But I do slip.  So does the wife.  But for him to pick that up and use it correctly and in the right context……………… well, that is a proud poppa moment right there.

So as I get back into the habit of writing this silly little blog I think that I will keep true to myself and my goal of not getting too personal but at the same time provide you with the world as I see it.

How Bad Can Auto Emissions Really Be?

So I was thinking about this as I was driving up and down the New Jersey Turnpike the past week going to NYC and Long Island (which lately have been my second home) and I was wondering how bad can car emissions really be to the environment?

I was wondering this as I was looking at the trees lining the highway.  They were full, vibrant trees that have been growing alongside the road for decades.  Everyday they are submitted to exhaust from trucks, cars and motorcycles and yet, year after year, they never seem to suffer from any damaging effects of the pollution that we all hear about coming from motor vehicles. 

How bad can it really be?

Don’t Mess With The Bull Son! You’ll Get The Horns!

When I am not traveling for work I am working in my office in the suburbs of Philly.  Where I work, because of my travel, I was never really part of the “group”.  But lately that has been changing.  I have been starting to be drug into the pranks and practical jokes that the others have been involved in.

The pranks are somewhat tame, for example, buying instant lottery tickets that claim you won huge sums of cash, jumping out of closets to scare someone, locking someone in the bathroom with bungee cords, etc….

But when you mess with me I will take it to the next level. 

They have now messed with me.  Yesterday they covered my car, which I park on the lot and close to the main road, with for sale signs and my phone number.  Not a bad prank but now it is my turn.

I have had tons of time to plot and plan on my pranks back before they even messed with me.  Yesterday I put plan one into play.  The main person involved with the for sale prank came out to find her car also covered in for sale signs and wrapped up in shrink wrap.  Lots of shrink wrap.  A whole roll of shrink wrap.

For those that don’t know what shrink wrap is, it is like large industrial sized clear plastic wrap.  We use it to wrap up pallets of merchandise to be shipped on trucks so that it does not shift on the pallet during shipping.

Other employees and a few customers saw the wrapped car and found it very funny but the real laughter began when she went out to the parking lot and found her car completely wrapped up and encapsulated in the shrink wrap.  Even she laughed.

Going through my head was that ditty that goes “What ever you can do I can do better!!!!”

You betchya @$$ I can!

As I was leaving work she says – It’s on now!

I certainly hope so.

What ever you can do I can do better!

You’re Cut Off From Disney World!

Russia invaded Georgia. 

That lead to a very interesting conversation with my sister in law Donna.  Below is how it transpired and yes I was trying to mess with her throughout the conversation.  And I would not really consider this a true Donnaism either.

Donna:  Russia is attacking Georgia.  Do you think we will go to war with Russia.

Me:  No.  It is not our conflict.  It is between Georgia and Russia.

Donna:  But we should be defending Georgia.

Me:  Why?  They have their own army.

Donna:  They do?  Since when?

Me:  Since they won their Independence.

Donna:  They did?  When was that?

Me:  A few years ago they broke away and declared their independence.

Donna: Why did we let them do that?

Me:  It was good for us.  Why would we stop something that would be good for us?

Donna:  How is that good for us?  And why is Russia attacking it?

Me:  Russia wants its oil and the access to the seas.

Donna:  Doesn’t Russia have access to its own seas?

Me:  Yes but they also want Georgia’s too.

Donna:  (sits quietly for a few moments thinking and then says) If Russia wins, will we have to now go around Georgia to get to Disney?

Me:  That’s taking the long way to get to Disney.  Why not just go right down the 95?

Donna: Doesn’t the 95 go through Georgia?

Me:  If Russia wins, we are going to move the 95 to go over Georgia.

Donna:  What???

Me:  What?

Donna:  What are you talking about?

Me:  What are you talking about?  People are dying in a war and you are worried about Micky Mouse and Donald Duck.  How pitiful is that?  It’s not all about you you know!

Donna:  (gets up and walks away)

It’s About Nothing Really

Over on my forum I have a thread for members to post their blogs and allow them the chance to maybe gain new readers or maybe interest them to start their own, which is kinda how I got started. 

Interestingly, one member on my forum asked me about my Big Mac/Whopper post and if I had yet tried them and I thought I would answer all of you at the same time that I have not yet tried them but my plan is to try this upcoming week.    I’ll be on vacation starting Friday at 4PM Eastern Time and during my vacation I thought I would take the time to try them.  I’ll keep you all posted on how that goes.

Kitchen work is progressing nicely.  I should have electric by the time I return from vacation.  My friend, who is an electrician, not to be confused with morethananelectrician, is coming by to run the new wires and all.  My wife will be happy when it is all done because I think that she is a little bothered by the fact that we are washing dishes in the same sink we brush our teeth in.  When I get back from vacation I will drywall and hand the cabinets and install the new sink. 

I am looking forward to this vacation.  With all the hard work around the house I am going to need a few days on the beach, catching some sun, looking at the young hotties strutting their stuff up and down the sand.  This is usually the time my wife is punching my arm for looking. 

I will be enjoying Sunday, on vacation, watching the Philadelphia Soul play for the Arena Bowl Championship.  I will be back at the shore house cheering on my team while the wife and kids are out doing something else.  What a great start to vacation.

I will catch up with you all later!

I’ve Busted The Conspiracy

I know why I was forced to buy a hew hairbrush.

It has become the community brush.  My wife uses it, my daughter uses it and the boy is using it.

My old one was small and could fit in the medicine cabinet over the sink and the new one that I was forced to buy was large and not suitable to store anywhere but on the side of the sink or on the tank of the toilet.

I knew it was a conspiracy!  I knew that there was something more than just my wife wanting me to “update” my hairbrush.  They don’t go out of style.  It’s a hairbrush!!!!!

There are a few things that skive me.  Things that no matter what – I am just not going to share with anyone!  They include my toothbrush, underwear, bathing suit, and my hair brush! 

So you know what?  I kept my old brush.  That’s right!  I saved it!  Hid it so that others could not find it and when I discovered this nefarious little plot the family had going I pulled it back out.  I pulled it out and used it.  Yeah, so you all can go on with your bad selfs and keep using that new brush and I’ll have mine safely tuckered away. 

Momma didn’t raise no fool!

Not Until You Get A Little Older

It was not all that long ago since we brought home our new kitten Penny.  She is all grown up now and full of personality and energy and is great and all that but I think that my wife and my kids are starting to get the itch to get another new kitten.

We have been spending a lot of time lately at pet stores.  In those pet stores we have been spending a lot of time looking at the kittens in the cages.

Now, I am a cat lover.  I’ve had cats all my life.  Growing up we have had as many as 4 in my house, well my parents house, and it was great.  But that was mostly because I didn’t clean the litter or feed them.  That was my sister’s chore. 

But for now I am the feeder and the litter cleaner.  At least until the kids get a little older.  And for now I am happy with the two that we have.  I am not looking for more but the family might have other plans.  

I am going to have to lay down the law and make it known that there are not going to be any new cats coming into the home in the near future.  Unfortunately, I’ll probably end up being out voted and overruled on the issue and we’ll have another cat.

Batman – The Dark Knight

First, let me apologize for being so late in my review of this movie.  I had to get some sleep before I came to work this morning.  I am not like a lot of the rabid fanboys that rushed home to their computers to blog about this movie.

That being said, now that I have had some sleep and I had the time to digest the latest in the Batman movie Mythos, it was #%^&ing awesome! 

I arrived at the movie theater for the midnight showing at 10PM last night.  At that time, there were already about 20 people in front of me and some of those arrived in costumes of the Joker, Harley Quinn, Scarecrow and Catwoman.  (Note:  Very chunky women – do not try to pull off a Catwoman outfit!  It will never work!) 

During the two hour wait the crowd remained calm but there was lots of talk about the movie, how great it was going to be, what spoilers my lie in the movie, etc…  I, for the most part, filtered it out.  I already had my knowledge of the movie firmly in place and did not want others that read this or that on the Internet to spoil it for me. 

What was killing me during my wait was my wife.  She was to meet me in the line after the babysitter arrived.  The babysitter was to be there at 11AM and we are only 10 minutes from the theater.  She did not arrive until 11:45.  I had to wait in line for 2 hours!  I had to save a seat for her for 2 hours!  I had to piss for 1 hour!  Oh Boy was I mad at her!  I should have just embarrassed her and whipped it out in the seats and into a cup.  I’ve been known to do things like that to her before!

So on to the movie!  I am not going to give any spoilers or detail the movie but let me just tell you this, if you are on the fence about seeing this movie then you have to go!  DO NOT WAIT FOR THE DVD!!!!!  Go now!  The two villains are the Joker and Two Face!  The villains steal the show!  It was superb writing that made this movie.  The explanation of the Joker and Two Face and how they have come into being, the growth of the characters throughout the movie and their development was brilliant. 

This was a very well written story.  The subtle one liners of the Joker are going to become movie quotes that people will repeat for years.  Heath Ledger took the character of the Joker to places that none of the other Jokers has in the past.  Even before his death, I read on the Internet and saw leaked clips that blew me away because of his performance.  Even if Ledger was alive, this movie would still blow people away with his performance. 

The movie is 2 hours and 37 minutes and the whole time the movie is nonstop.  The movie flows quickly and naturally and you don’t even have the chance to notice that it is a long movie and when it ends you are disappointed that it doesn’t go for another 2 more hours. 

My wife, who is not a big comic book geek or super hero fan really enjoyed this movie. 

One last thing that, in my opinion, makes this movie so good is the fact that everything in the movie makes you think that this is something that could happen in real life.  The cars, the guns, the bat-toys, the criminal element, the technology, etc…  It could all be real in today’s world. 

For those that have not yet seen it – Go!!!  It is well worth the money!  It is worth only gettin 3 hours of sleep!

I’ve Never Had A Big Mac

I was watching TV the other day and saw a commercial for McDonalds Big Mac and it got me to thinking that I have never had a Big Mac.  I have never had a Burger King Whopper either.

These are the signature sandwiches.  The main burgers.  The big meat!

They have never appealed to me. 

I don’t eat much fast food and when I do it is Panara Bread or Wendy’s. 

Now, suddenly, I have a curoisity to at least try one just to see what the big deal is. 

When I am forced to eat at one of these places I usually just get a double cheeseburger but now I am going to need to try a Big Mac and  Whopper.  Maybe I’ll try them together to not only try them out but to see which one is better. 

Am I odd to have never tried a Big Mac or a Whopper?