I travel for work across the country.  I have enjoyed the hospitality of many great towns and cities.  I’ve been to Seattle, Chicago, Boston, NYC, Portland Maine, West Palm Beach Fla, Richmond Va and Salt Lake City just to name a few.

I have stayed in many hotels and ate at many restaurants.  While I always try to enjoy the local cuisine and if I can stay in the unique hotels, there are times where I do visit or have to visit the national chains.

What I have found, in my opinion, is that of all the hotels out there, consistently, Hilton and Holiday Inn’s tend to be the best.  I have had the best sleep, accommodations, food and experiences in these two chains.  I’ve stayed in Marriotts, Raddisons and others, and I have stayed in some very good ones, but they are not consistent across the country. 

As far as restaurants, of the national chains, Applebees and Chili’s have been the best.  Again, they have been consistent and their selections are broad.  I find that their food is tasty and flavorful.

Some of the other national chains lately have been messing with their menus, like TGIFriday’s and Ruby Tuesday’s.  They have cut down on their choices and reduced their menu.  I have been very disappointed with them lately.  I can understand why they have cut back on their menu, what with the food prices increasing and all.

That being said, I recently went to breakfast at a diner just outside of Brooklyn NY and ordered a Spanish Omelet.  What I like about a Spanish Omelet is that it is made, at least in all the other breakfast establishments I have dined in, with a  mix of cheese, peppers, onions and salsa and then I love to pour Tabasco Sauce all over the top of the omelet.  So good.

So back to this diner outside of Brooklyn.  I placed my order of a Spanish Omelete and opened my newspaper and read for a short while, waiting patiently for my breakfast to arrive.   

After a short while, my waitress returns with my plate and lays it before me.  I look at my plate and notice that there is an egg.  On top of that egg is grilled peppers, grilled onions and ……………………. wait for it………………  grilled celery.

My waitress turns to leave and I stop her.

Me:  Um…… excuse me.  I ordered a Spanish Omelet.

Her:  That’s it hon.

Me:  It is?

Her:  Yeah.

Me: (looking at it for a moment before turning to the waitress and saying)  From what part of Spain?

I am finally home from my tour of NYC and Long Island.  It had been an interesting week for me with work.  I had been stationed out in the Hampton’s.  During the day I was working hard and in the evening I was able to explore and enjoy all that the Hampton’s has to offer.  Unfortunately, this time of year, that is not much.  It seems that everything all closes at 7PM.  That is what happens when you go to a resort during the off season.

What I have seen does not really impress me.  It has not been a Weekend At Bernie’s.  Traffic is all jammed up and only moves at a maximum of 30 MPH.  I assume that is only in the middle of the night because during the day there are cars all over the road by none of them are moving faster.

What really surprises me is that for all the money this area is supposed to have, there is no cell phone signal that my cell phone can connect to.  Verizon needs to come to the Hampton’s because no one “can hear me now”!

Where I have been staying is a little Bed and Breakfast and I will be the first to admit that while they are quaint, I feel very uncomfortable.  There is something about staying in someone’s house that just does not allow me to relax and unwind.  I never make my bed at home and yet I find myself obligated to make it at the B&B.  Where normally I might watch HBO late on a Thursday night, I am embarrassed to even put the TV on at all.

Then there is the community shower in the B&B.  I find it odd having to share the shower with other guests.  In my hotel, I like to strip and walk to the shower in my room.  In that bathroom I can lay out my toothpaste, hairbrush, shaving needs, etc…  But in the B&B I am carrying all of my items to the bathroom along with my towels and clothes to change into. 

Maybe it is just me and my oddities. 

I do know that after being away for the past three weeks I was ready to get home.  I had not seen the kids and I had not seen the wife.  I am missing cheese steaks and Philly sports.  Flyers are in the playoffs, The Phillies are leading the East and the Soul is playing their best season and yet with all that good fortune going on, I am missing it all. 

Finally, May is National Masturbation Month and I am stuck in a B&B where I am embarrassed to take a shit because someone else might smell it let alone to rub one out and have someone hear it.  That being said, have a very Happy May!

I have a new hobby.  It is something that I do when I travel that always amuses me.  To many, it will seem odd and dumb but I laugh everytime I do it. 

When I stay in hotels, I will set the alarm clock at 3 AM on the morning I check out so that the very next morning the alarm will go off, hopefully on an unsuspecting newcomer to the room.   

I laugh every time I do this.  I know, I know.  Very childish right?  But I get great enjoyment thinking about the next person that sleeps in that room and suddenly gets the sudden jolt to their deep sleep as the alarm goes off.

Or better yet, the room remains empty but there are people in the next room that has to hear it go off all night long. 

I don’t know why but it really cracks me up.

I like to people watch.  Anywhere people gather, malls, markets, parks, etc… are excellent place to watch people.  But the best place in all the world to watch people - New York City.

I’ve recently been working in the Big Apple and after work I hit the streets and wander through Manhattan just observing the people.  From Times Square to Central Park to the World Trade area there are plenty of places to just watch people.

People are fascinating to watch.  When in their natural state, people will do rather interesting things. 

I was walking down Madison Ave and decided to count people that just pick their nose.  While no one was full on digging their finger up to the second knuckle picking, there was the quick pickers, the wipers, the two finger two nostril cleaner and the pretend I am doing something else other than picking my nose picker.  In 5 blocks I came across 8 pickers. 

While strolling though Central Park this afternoon I observed couples kissing in the park.  Hetero couples and Homo couples.  Young couples and Old couples.  Public displays of affection was everywhere. 

Then at Times Square you have people everywhere taking pictures or filming theirselves against a backdrop of bright neon lights.  People walking with shopping bags overflowing with purchases from the stores.  If the country is in a recession, it is not occurring in Times Square.   There were people gathered in a circle watching an armless man doing back flips and front flips.  They would clap and cheer.  I was amazed that people found this as entertaining.

Then there are the people in line waiting for the doors to open on the Broadway shows.  People dressed in their finest and people that were dressed in their not so finest.  I overheard one lady proclaim that she was attending her 5th showing of the play.  Her 5th?  Did she not understand the play the first four times? 

People are wonderful.  People are interesting.  People are amusing. 

After an evening of people watching, I feel so much better about myself. 

The scene is a Supermarket, the non foods aisle.  Specifically, Aisle 2 - hairspray, shampoo, hair dyes, hair clips, hair ties hair nets and brushes and combs.  Everything one might need for hair it’s there. 

My wife and I are in that aisle, and as we casually walk the aisle, my wife and I are conversing about nothing.  Literally nothing.  I whimsically make a comment that I can’t believe that Aquanet still exists and I tell her the same old story about when I was in High School, had the long rocker hair that would be teased up like I was member of some 80’s hairband and how my friends and I in the band would douse our hair with Aquanet and rock out.  If only Liquid Life took off and rocked the world.

She is only half paying attention to me as I am pushing the cart and she is walking in front of it scanning the price tags for the sale prices and checking if we have coupons to match.  This is the hell my life has become.

We stop at the end of the aisle, in front of the hair clips, hair ties, fake hanging hair attached to clips, brushes and combs and the following conversation occurs totally out of the blue.

Wife:  You need a new brush!

Me:  I need a new brush?

Wife:  Yes.

Me:  Why?

Wife:  Yours is out dated.

Me:  It’s what?!?!

Wife:  It’s out dated.

Me:  It’s out dated.

Wife:  Yes.  You’ve had it since high school probably.

Me:  Ok.  Let’s assume that you are correct for a moment and that I have had that brush since high school.  How can a brush be out dated?

Wife:  Have you seen your brush?

Me:  Ummm…. yes.  And it looks just like that one (pointing to a similar one on the shelf).  It fully serves its function without fail.  It brushes my hair.  It’s functional and operational.   I did not realize that brushes have expiration dates.  I did not know that they go out of style.  I did not know that my brush was a fashion statement.  I didn’t know that I was no longer hip because I have held onto a brush longer than I have held onto my Members Only jacket.  You should be thankful that I no longer carry my comb in my back pocket.  Carrying combs in the back pocket - that is out dated.  My brush, I’m thinking not so much.

Wife:  Now you’re just being an idiot.

Me:  Me?!?!

Wife:  Never mind.  Keep using that old stupid brush of yours. 

Me:  Ummm….  I was planning on it.

Wife:  Good!

Me:  Good.  Besides, it wasn’t on sale and we didn’t have a coupon for it.

I have completed my Best Of series last week and I have to say that it seemed to have gone well.  I was really impressed by the comments.  I was also pleased by some of the requests for some past posts.  It was interesting to see what a few of you thought were your favorites.  Thanks for the input.

Maybe the same time next year I will do it again, if I remember. 

This stupid blog is 1 year old and I just passed the 10,000 views mark.  Two big milestones at the same time. 

I never figured that I would continue with this blog past a few months, let alone for a year.  It was supposed to be an experiment.  I have found that I enjoy the experience and some of the bonds I have made with a few of my readers.  I have found that I have enjoyed the outlet because it allows me to vent, ramble, journal and it serves as a reminder to me of events that I might otherwise forget. 

I’ll continue through with this silly little blog.  I’ll experiment here and there with different things, like I did with the Best Of.  Some will work, some won’t but I’ll continue to write and entertain myself and maybe a few others while I am at it.

Thanks for being here.

In continuing with my best of series this week, the next post below is also a readers favorite.  I receive many search terms about bell ringing that lead folks to this post.  This is second in views to the Animal Testing Is Good post.

I have to admit that I find this post funny.  So did those that left comments.  Unfortunately, there were victims in this post that did not find my actions to be very amusing, as you will read.

 Originally Posted August 24, 2007

Please Ring Bell

The sign says “Please Ring Bell”.  That was all it said.  So I rang the bell and kept walking. 

You see these signs all over.  Very simple handwritten signs that say “Please Ring Bell”.  It comes off to me like a command, a directive.  It is telling me to ring the bell.  So I ring the bell.

I did this once at a CVS.  The clerk was ringing up my purchase and I saw the bell and the sign.  I tapped the bell making it ring and the clerk jumped, suprised that I rang the bell.  She then glared at me angrily so I sheepishly explained that the sign said to ring the bell.  She proceeded to tell me that the bell was only to be rung if there was not a cashier at the counter and a customer needed service.  I pointed out that the sign did not say that.  The sign just simply said “Please Ring Bell” and that if it was only for service then it should say that.  After my transaction I walked out of the CVS never giving it another thought.  I did return a few days later to that same CVS and noticed that the sign was changed at the bell and now read “Please Ring Bell For A Cashier.” 

So yesterday I am walking down this hallway in a building that houses different professional services and I notice a sign on the wall outside of the door.  The sign said “Please Ring Bell”.  It was a simple request so I did and I kept walking.  A woman comes out the door and comes chasing after me.  She was clearly disturbed by my ringing the bell and she loudly informed me that she is running a daycare there and I had disrupted the class by ringing the bell and walking off.  Puzzled, I asked her if I would have caused her any less of a disruption if I had rung the bell and not walked off.  Unamused by my questioning she demanded to know why I would pull off such a childish stunt.  I politely explained my reasoning and how her sign more or less requested that I must ring the bell.  She then explained to me for the third time that the bell was for enterance to the daycare and was not to be pulled as a prank.  I told her that if she wanted the bell to be rung only by people gaining entry to her daycare then her sign should be written in a way that will prevent any future confusion from people like me.

Wouldn’t you know that I walked through there this morning and the sign now reads “To Enter The Daycare Please Ring The Bell”

I’ve toyed with the idea of writing a “Best of” this blog.  I figured that after a year worth of posting, there have been quite a few posts that I have considered some of my best writing and some that were popular with other readers.  So, without further adieu……  My Best of………. 

Interestingly enough, and to my suprise, the post below has been my most read, most commented and most controversial post.  If you get a chance, go back and read through the comments.  There are some really passionate comments made on this post and as recent as last week, it continues to garner comments.

originally posted on October 1, 2007.

Animal Testing - Good

Last week, I asked the question - Should I do a “Best of” for this blog and those that commented mentioned that they thought it was a good idea and I think that I am going to give it a try for the upcoming week. 

For my regular readers, all 4 of you, if there is a post that you consider one of your favorites that you would like to see me re-post, leave a comment here and let me know. 

It should be interesting how this experiment goes.   

I also would like to draw your attention to Kara and her blog,where she wrote a very interesting interview on yours truly.  Head over there and check it out.  For the past week she has been doing interviews of her readers and fellow bloggers.  Her experimentation in this has been most interesting and fun to read.

Do you think that our loved ones that have passed on can see us?  Do they really look down upon us from Heaven?

Sometimes I like to think that my father or my grandmother do look down on me and can see me growing up, see my family grow and see how successful I have become.  It is a comforting thought.  I like to think that they can see all the good things that I do.  Do they approve of what I’ve become?  Approve of how I’ve been raising my kids? 

I wonder.

I wonder if they see it all.  All the great moments in our lives, all the sad, all the funny and all the bad. 

All the bad…..  Do they see the bad too?  The fights with my wife?  The time I wrote on some guy’s shoe on the airplane?  The guy I flipped the bird at because he cut in front of me in traffic?  Do they see all that too?

Are our loved ones always up there watching and able to see all?  Do they watch when I am going to the bathroom and wiping my ass?  Are they watching me as I shower?  Are they watching as I make love to my wife? 

Or worse yet?  Is dear, dead Aunt Mabel looking down as I am wanking my pud?