People are Stranger When You’re a Stranger

I have been doing a lot of traveling into New York City for work again lately.  I have been taking the train because my work does not want to spend the money on hotel stays.  I am not complaining.  I am glad to have a job.  But it has given me time to spend in train terminals and people watch.

You can people watch in bus terminals, airports, or anywhere else there is a gathering of people.  But with traveling people I have noticed that nearly everyone falls into one of the classes of people I will list below. 

• The Napper – The napper will close their eyes and fall asleep while they are waiting.  Sometimes I envy the Napper because they can fall asleep in all the noise, hustle and bustle that is around them.  And if you are really lucky, you can have a napper that is a loud snorer. 
• The Pacer – These folks will just keep moving and can not sit still.  They will just pace in a circle or around the terminal.  Sure, they will stop and read advertisements hanging on the wall or read the arrivals and departures but they don’t stay rooted for long.  They just have to keep moving.
• Social Butterfly – They travel alone usually and have a strong need to talk to anyone that will give them the time and listen.  They will scan a room and hone in on one or two people and strike up a conversation about anything.  “Crazy weather we’re having” “How about those (insert favorite sports team here)”.
• Loud Phone Talkers – This type likes to sound important because they are on the phone.  They will talk loudly so that we can all hear their end of the conversation because they have a need to feel special.  Basically, they are telling everyone “Look at me!!! I’m on the phone!”  Big fracking whoop-de-doo!
• The Bible Reader – I guess that they are looking for  “The Lord will not kill you riding the train/plane or bus if you read me” passage.  There is always a Bible reader around.  This makes me feel safe. 
• The Always Working Worker – This person is always on his laptop, always reading and sending email, scanning spreadsheets, and working nonstop.  They just work and work and work.  All work and no play.
• The Paper Reader – All they do is read the paper.  Cover to cover.  Page by Page.  Completely reading every column, every article and every word.  Hell, if they are waiting long enough they will read each and every classified.  These people are devoted to the paper.
• The Disgusted  – Disgusted at everything.  Disgusted at waiting, disgusted because they can’t find a spot to sit, disgusted at the loud phone talker and the napper that is snoring loudly, just disgusted.  Nothing could make them happy.
• Lost Soul – They are just lost.  No clue what to do or where to go.  They just walk in a circle looking lost.  They are not to be confused with the Pacer.

So there you have it.  The different types of people you will find in a busy terminal waiting for their ride to show up.  Which one are you?

I’ve Busted The Conspiracy

I know why I was forced to buy a hew hairbrush.

It has become the community brush.  My wife uses it, my daughter uses it and the boy is using it.

My old one was small and could fit in the medicine cabinet over the sink and the new one that I was forced to buy was large and not suitable to store anywhere but on the side of the sink or on the tank of the toilet.

I knew it was a conspiracy!  I knew that there was something more than just my wife wanting me to “update” my hairbrush.  They don’t go out of style.  It’s a hairbrush!!!!!

There are a few things that skive me.  Things that no matter what – I am just not going to share with anyone!  They include my toothbrush, underwear, bathing suit, and my hair brush! 

So you know what?  I kept my old brush.  That’s right!  I saved it!  Hid it so that others could not find it and when I discovered this nefarious little plot the family had going I pulled it back out.  I pulled it out and used it.  Yeah, so you all can go on with your bad selfs and keep using that new brush and I’ll have mine safely tuckered away. 

Momma didn’t raise no fool!

I’m In The Zone!

I’ve been on the Health Kick lately.  Even before we got the Wii Fit I was begining to get into trying to lose weight and slim down for summer. 

My wife started me walking in the morning.  She is also doing it.  She read in one of her woman magazines that walking in the moring right after you wake up jump starts your motabilism, gives you energy for the rest of the day and helps you lose weight quicker.

So every morning I wake up about 6:10 AM and out the door by 6:15 AM.  I walk for about 20 – 25 minutes around the neighborhood every morning, eat a bowl of Cheerios or Kashi and then hit the shower.  I have to admit that I do feel energized more in the morning than before.

Then along comes the Wii Fit and I find myself making sure that everyday I do the activities and logging in my walks and tracking my progress.  I find myself more focused on what I have been eating, more vegetables, more fruits, more nuts and less of the fried foods and junk foods.  My whole focus has changed for the better. 

Now that I am traveling again I am finding that I am still continuing to take my walks, either around the area of the hotel or in the hotel fitness room.  I am still eating more healthy and trying to practice the Wii Fit exercises in my hotel room even without the board and Wii system.

I have also signed up for my company’s health program.  They reward members of the program with significant money for goals met.  This is giving me even more incentive to be vigorous in my activities. 

By the time my vacation arrives in July and I head down the shore I should be able to wedge my fat ass and huge overlapping stomach into that little tiny powder blue speedo I used to wear for High School swim team.

I’ve lost 4 pounds this month.  I’m encouraged by my progress so far. 

I’m in the zone!

Aeorgarden III

I have talked about the Aerogarden that I received as a Christmas present in the past and talked about how great and successful the lettuce growing experience was.  I also talked about switching to and trying their herbsand I have to say that I like how well the herbs grew.  I have a lot of mint and basil and parsley.  The chives and cilantro did not survive the cat. 

I have nice full green herbs but I do have to comment that they are not very flavorful.  In fact, I found the dill, basil and parsley to be rather bland.  I was disappointed because of how lush and bright the leaves and plants appear. 

I have also found the herbs to be very thirsty.  They sure do suck down the water but they grow quickly and within a few weeks you can start using the herbs. 

I am going to pull out the herbs and move on to the next experiment of tomatoes.  I have a pack of them that I am anxious to begin.  I am hoping that they are as flavorful as the lettuce was. 

All in all, I do have to say that the Aerogarden is a good investment.

Silly Search Terms – Revisited – Again

It is that time to post a few of the amusing and funny search terms that have drawn traffic to my site or, as I affectionately refer to as “I can’t think of anything to write about so I will go to the old trusted standby of the funny and amusing search terms to find this silly little blog”. 

So without further ado……

Good Things That Have To Do With Animal – I so hope that this had nothing to do with kinky wild sex with donkeys, goats or any other animal.  I want them tested on, not molested on.

Can Dead Animals Be Used For Animal Test – If we test some new cancer treatment or antibiotic on the dead creature and it kills them, how will we ever know?

My Son’s Butthole Itches – So scratch it!

My Wife Peed In The Car. How Do I Get Th- Th what?!?!?  This is a story I am interested in hearing about.

Blogs of a Mad Man About Animal Testing – Oh Shit!  Now I am in for it.  PETA is on to me now.  

Then a few weeks later this search term crops up -

Markalan.wordpress Animal Product Testing- This is for real.  Someone actually used this exact search term.  I am now convinced that some animal rights group is on to me.  Pretty soon I am going to have Pam Anderson or Alicia Silverstone on my door step looking for me.    Hmmm…..  on second thought, that might not be a bad thing.  Spank me baby!  I’ve been a bad boy!  I’ve talked bad about animals.  Punish me as only you know how ladies!!!!

Kara Alien Abduction – I am not the only one they are looking for.  Kara is being searched out too.  I am not sure what I would rather, have PETA looking for me or Aliens. 

I Missed My Flight – And now that you have free time, you decided to read some blogs.  I’m touched.

 Lick My Lettuce – Um…..  Is this like a new sex slang?  Like a Roman Helmet or Dirty Sanchez?

Wanking+My+Son – There is so much wrong with this one.  I want it out!

Where Backflips And Front Flips Originate – I can tell you for a fact that it was not here at Idle Ramblings.  I can’t do them anymore.  The fat gods and age have caught up to me. 

 

I’m Out Dated!

The scene is a Supermarket, the non foods aisle.  Specifically, Aisle 2 – hairspray, shampoo, hair dyes, hair clips, hair ties hair nets and brushes and combs.  Everything one might need for hair it’s there. 

My wife and I are in that aisle, and as we casually walk the aisle, my wife and I are conversing about nothing.  Literally nothing.  I whimsically make a comment that I can’t believe that Aquanet still exists and I tell her the same old story about when I was in High School, had the long rocker hair that would be teased up like I was member of some 80’s hairband and how my friends and I in the band would douse our hair with Aquanet and rock out.  If only Liquid Life took off and rocked the world.

She is only half paying attention to me as I am pushing the cart and she is walking in front of it scanning the price tags for the sale prices and checking if we have coupons to match.  This is the hell my life has become.

We stop at the end of the aisle, in front of the hair clips, hair ties, fake hanging hair attached to clips, brushes and combs and the following conversation occurs totally out of the blue.

Wife:  You need a new brush!

Me:  I need a new brush?

Wife:  Yes.

Me:  Why?

Wife:  Yours is out dated.

Me:  It’s what?!?!

Wife:  It’s out dated.

Me:  It’s out dated.

Wife:  Yes.  You’ve had it since high school probably.

Me:  Ok.  Let’s assume that you are correct for a moment and that I have had that brush since high school.  How can a brush be out dated?

Wife:  Have you seen your brush?

Me:  Ummm…. yes.  And it looks just like that one (pointing to a similar one on the shelf).  It fully serves its function without fail.  It brushes my hair.  It’s functional and operational.   I did not realize that brushes have expiration dates.  I did not know that they go out of style.  I did not know that my brush was a fashion statement.  I didn’t know that I was no longer hip because I have held onto a brush longer than I have held onto my Members Only jacket.  You should be thankful that I no longer carry my comb in my back pocket.  Carrying combs in the back pocket – that is out dated.  My brush, I’m thinking not so much.

Wife:  Now you’re just being an idiot.

Me:  Me?!?!

Wife:  Never mind.  Keep using that old stupid brush of yours. 

Me:  Ummm….  I was planning on it.

Wife:  Good!

Me:  Good.  Besides, it wasn’t on sale and we didn’t have a coupon for it.

 

 

 

Best Of…. IV

Teeni over at the Vaguetarian Tea Room suggested the following post for a Best Of.  I had totally forgotten about this one and I am glad Teeni reminded me that this one existed. 

On this day, I was able to observe American ingenuity at its finest. 

The Riding Mower

My next door neighbor knocked on my door tonight and asked if I would be able to drive my truck over to Sears and pick up a new patio set that he and his wife had picked out.  Being the nice guy that I am I said yes.

 So I drove over to Sears and parked at the pick up area and waited while he went inside to pay and pick up his merchandise.  While I sat with the truck I saw that in front of me was a Dodge Caravan with it’s rear hatch opened and the seats inside taken out or put down.  Two metal ramps were leading into the back of the van.  Very shortly I noticed two Sears employees pushing a riding lawnmower down the handicap ramp and around to the back of the van.  These tow employees took a couple of moments to line up this riding mower’s tires to the ramps.  When they finally had the tires lined up the two guys, using a running start pushed the mower up the incline.

BAM!!!!!

At the top of the incline the mower had come to a sudden stop as the mower’s steering wheel did not clear the top opening of the back of the Caravan.  Cursing, the two Sears employees pondered what to do next.  Determined not to let this small set back deter them, the one employee ran back into the store leaving the other to hold the mower in place.  The mower was partially in the van, mostly out. 

When the employee returned with wrenches it looked certain that removal of the steering wheel was about to take place.  As the first employee was trying to get the steering wheel off the second employee, still holding the mower in place and really starting to show the strain, came up with the idea that letting some air out of the tires of the mower would be the most prudent move. 

While holding the mower in place the employee strained to reach the left rear tire of the riding mower and removed the cap and began to let the air out.  This prompted the other employee to work on the right rear.  This move ended up being a victory for the Sears employees as they were able to now move the mower past the steering wheel.

BAM!!!

The mower abruptly stopped again as this time the seat of the riding mower hung up on the opening of the Caravan.  The employees, knowing the success of letting the air out of the rear tires, decided to continue to let the remaining air out of the tires.  As they pushed more they were not able to clear the seat.  The one Sears employee pulled down on the mower as hard as he could so that the other could bleed as much air as he could.  After removing all the air as possible the mower still would not enter the Caravan.  The Sears employee moved to the front tires and let the air out of both front tires.  Still a little tight and not quite able to fit into the rear the Sears employee pulled the ramps out from under the rear tires leaving the other Sears employee to wedge to mower into the van.  This finally allowed the mower, after some pushing, pulling and wiggling, to enter the rear of the Caravan.

The two Sears employees all but high-fived each other for successfully putting the riding lawn mower into the van.  Four flat tires and all.

What I will not be able to see, which should prove to be just as entertaining, is how the owner of this brand new riding lawn mower is going to remove the mower from his van. 

I Was Wrong – Again

This time it is about one of my Compulsions.  When I load the dishwasher I have to have it loaded a certain way.  If it is not, I will take everything all out and then reload it the correct way.  My wife and I have had major arguments over this topic and it has been  really ugly at times. 

My biggest peeve is how the silverware is loaded.  I have to have all the spoons in one section of the silverware basket, all the knifes in another, and all the forks in yet another.  They also have to all be handles down.  This makes it easier to unload too.  Then I can grab a handful of spoons and BAM! they are away.  Grab a fistful of forks and BAM! they are away.  Quick, easy, simple and efficient! 

So last night, my wife approaches me with a huge grin on her face and in her right hand is a rolled up magazine.  I thought that I was about to get hit for something and I get ready to take evasive action when she tosses me the latest Consumers Report. 

She told me to turn to page 41 and read the bottom about loading a Dishwasher.  As I read through it, everything I know about loading is holding true until I get to the last 2 items.   “… mix spoons, forks, and knives to prevent them from sticking together.”  As I get done reading it all I look back up to my wife who starts yelling, “See!  See!  I am not an idiot!  The silverware is supposed to be all mixed up!  You have been complaining and reloading for years for no reason!  Don’t you feel stupid!” 

So I am wrong.  Again.  And I don’t feel stupid about it.  I guess that this is one compulsion that I can scratch off my list and get over.  No more stressing about how the dishwasher is loaded. 

Now about that toilet paper…………………..

I’ve Read Something Interesting

As I was reading others posts the last few days a common theme or a pattern was emerging.  More than 3 of the blogs I read mentioned that they keep their blog secret. 

They have never told or they hide the existence of their blog from friends and family.  Why is that?  Why do people have to hide their blog?  Then is occurred that for most of the blogs I read, blogging is a diary of sorts.  No different than hiding a diary under a mattress or hidden in a drawer. 

I don’t keep mine a secret but I don’t blab or brag about it either to my friends and family.  I posted the fact that I have a blog on my forums and they read my forums but that is about the extent of it.  So does that make me secretive?

I am not judging what other do with their blogs.  I just thought it interesting how it was a reoccurring theme the past few days.

 Carry on as you were.

The Gum Wall!!!

I read about this place in Seattle called the Gum Wall.  I don’t remember where it was that I read about it but I know that there was supposed to be wall where people just placed their chewed gum.

On my last trip out to Seattle I could not find it.  I looked around for it but not really knowing the area I was not sure where to look..  I also did not ask anyone for directions because I didn’t want to be embarrassed.  So I ended up leaving Seattle without ever seeing the Gum Wall.

Which leads me to tonight.  I was walking around Pikes Place Market when I took a wrong turn and stumbled out into an alley and what was right before me?  The Gum Wall!!!!  The wall I had read about.

Here I was before the wall and I did not have my camera and my cell phone was out of charge so I could not even take a picture.  I did happen to have in my mouth gum which I left behind on the wall. 

Now in Seattle there is a small piece of me left behind in that chewing gum that I stuck on the wall.  I contributed to a part of modern art.  Odd as it sounds, there is something fulfilling about that.