Idle Ramblings of a Slightly Mad Man

The scene is a Supermarket, the non foods aisle.  Specifically, Aisle 2 - hairspray, shampoo, hair dyes, hair clips, hair ties hair nets and brushes and combs.  Everything one might need for hair it’s there. 

My wife and I are in that aisle, and as we casually walk the aisle, my wife and I are conversing about nothing.  Literally nothing.  I whimsically make a comment that I can’t believe that Aquanet still exists and I tell her the same old story about when I was in High School, had the long rocker hair that would be teased up like I was member of some 80’s hairband and how my friends and I in the band would douse our hair with Aquanet and rock out.  If only Liquid Life took off and rocked the world.

She is only half paying attention to me as I am pushing the cart and she is walking in front of it scanning the price tags for the sale prices and checking if we have coupons to match.  This is the hell my life has become.

We stop at the end of the aisle, in front of the hair clips, hair ties, fake hanging hair attached to clips, brushes and combs and the following conversation occurs totally out of the blue.

Wife:  You need a new brush!

Me:  I need a new brush?

Wife:  Yes.

Me:  Why?

Wife:  Yours is out dated.

Me:  It’s what?!?!

Wife:  It’s out dated.

Me:  It’s out dated.

Wife:  Yes.  You’ve had it since high school probably.

Me:  Ok.  Let’s assume that you are correct for a moment and that I have had that brush since high school.  How can a brush be out dated?

Wife:  Have you seen your brush?

Me:  Ummm…. yes.  And it looks just like that one (pointing to a similar one on the shelf).  It fully serves its function without fail.  It brushes my hair.  It’s functional and operational.   I did not realize that brushes have expiration dates.  I did not know that they go out of style.  I did not know that my brush was a fashion statement.  I didn’t know that I was no longer hip because I have held onto a brush longer than I have held onto my Members Only jacket.  You should be thankful that I no longer carry my comb in my back pocket.  Carrying combs in the back pocket - that is out dated.  My brush, I’m thinking not so much.

Wife:  Now you’re just being an idiot.

Me:  Me?!?!

Wife:  Never mind.  Keep using that old stupid brush of yours. 

Me:  Ummm….  I was planning on it.

Wife:  Good!

Me:  Good.  Besides, it wasn’t on sale and we didn’t have a coupon for it.

Teeni over at the Vaguetarian Tea Room suggested the following post for a Best Of.  I had totally forgotten about this one and I am glad Teeni reminded me that this one existed. 

On this day, I was able to observe American ingenuity at its finest. 

This time it is about one of my Compulsions.  When I load the dishwasher I have to have it loaded a certain way.  If it is not, I will take everything all out and then reload it the correct way.  My wife and I have had major arguments over this topic and it has been  really ugly at times. 

My biggest peeve is how the silverware is loaded.  I have to have all the spoons in one section of the silverware basket, all the knifes in another, and all the forks in yet another.  They also have to all be handles down.  This makes it easier to unload too.  Then I can grab a handful of spoons and BAM! they are away.  Grab a fistful of forks and BAM! they are away.  Quick, easy, simple and efficient! 

So last night, my wife approaches me with a huge grin on her face and in her right hand is a rolled up magazine.  I thought that I was about to get hit for something and I get ready to take evasive action when she tosses me the latest Consumers Report. 

She told me to turn to page 41 and read the bottom about loading a Dishwasher.  As I read through it, everything I know about loading is holding true until I get to the last 2 items.   “… mix spoons, forks, and knives to prevent them from sticking together.”  As I get done reading it all I look back up to my wife who starts yelling, “See!  See!  I am not an idiot!  The silverware is supposed to be all mixed up!  You have been complaining and reloading for years for no reason!  Don’t you feel stupid!” 

So I am wrong.  Again.  And I don’t feel stupid about it.  I guess that this is one compulsion that I can scratch off my list and get over.  No more stressing about how the dishwasher is loaded. 

Now about that toilet paper…………………..

As I was reading others posts the last few days a common theme or a pattern was emerging.  More than 3 of the blogs I read mentioned that they keep their blog secret. 

They have never told or they hide the existence of their blog from friends and family.  Why is that?  Why do people have to hide their blog?  Then is occurred that for most of the blogs I read, blogging is a diary of sorts.  No different than hiding a diary under a mattress or hidden in a drawer. 

I don’t keep mine a secret but I don’t blab or brag about it either to my friends and family.  I posted the fact that I have a blog on my forums and they read my forums but that is about the extent of it.  So does that make me secretive?

I am not judging what other do with their blogs.  I just thought it interesting how it was a reoccurring theme the past few days.

 Carry on as you were.

I read about this place in Seattle called the Gum Wall.  I don’t remember where it was that I read about it but I know that there was supposed to be wall where people just placed their chewed gum.

On my last trip out to Seattle I could not find it.  I looked around for it but not really knowing the area I was not sure where to look..  I also did not ask anyone for directions because I didn’t want to be embarrassed.  So I ended up leaving Seattle without ever seeing the Gum Wall.

Which leads me to tonight.  I was walking around Pikes Place Market when I took a wrong turn and stumbled out into an alley and what was right before me?  The Gum Wall!!!!  The wall I had read about.

Here I was before the wall and I did not have my camera and my cell phone was out of charge so I could not even take a picture.  I did happen to have in my mouth gum which I left behind on the wall. 

Now in Seattle there is a small piece of me left behind in that chewing gum that I stuck on the wall.  I contributed to a part of modern art.  Odd as it sounds, there is something fulfilling about that. 

Why don’t cats fart?  I never hear cats fart.  I have heard dogs fart.  A dog will fart and then look up at you with a smile.  Kinda like guys do when they are all sitting around watching football together.  But cats, they never do. 

Am I wrong for keeping the money I found?  My wife thinks I should but I think I should keep it.  After all, if someone was that concerned about their money they would empty their pockets before putting their clothes in the laundry basket. 

I feel that anything that falls out of pockets in the laundry or dryer while I am working on the laundry goes to me.  It should not be my fault that, in a moment of laziness, money was not removed from pockets. 

Finders Keepers.

I wrote earlier in the month about my thoughts on Animal Testing and was happy enough to leave it alone after that but then I received a comment from a reader that disagreed with my position.  I knew it was going to happen.  Not everyone agrees with me and I am man enough to accept that.  But she did get me to thinking.  I was thinking that maybe there is a way to test products, ideas and military applications without using animals.  Then the animals of the world would be spared.

There is a large population of society that can be tested on.  An untapped wealth of subjects that could be used that would benefit all of mankind.  These are parts of society that we have no use for.  I am talking of the criminals, the sick and dying and the homeless.  Before everyone gets all upset let me explain.

The criminals are overcrowding prisons.  They are serving sentences such as life and living the high life, watching cable, working out, getting college degrees, having random shower sex daily, etc…  Instead of all that wonderful life they are living they can be testing cosmetics or testing new medicines.  We can use then in military applications too.  We can let a few loose to search out landmines or run them down the street to find snipers on the rooftops. 

The sick and dying are taking up valuable hospital beds that could/should be used for those that will get better and contribute to society.  What we should be doing is using these folks to test new medicines, new cancer cures, new radiation treatment, new types of medical testing, new artificial limbs procedures or skin grafting techniques. 

The homeless, well they can be used for all of the above. 

If my ideas were to be put into place we could clean up the city streets of the homeless, we could reduce prison populations and thereby saving millions of dollars spent on housing those serving life imprisonment.  We would advance mankind years ahead of time because we would eliminate years of animal testing.  Mankind could be propelled into a new era of enlightenment.  Many of the worlds problems and issues could be/would be solved. 

We are on the doorstep of a new Renaissance.  Let us embrace our destiny! 

*for anyone that was offended by this writing know that this was all in jest

This topic is going to offend some people.  My view on this is not popular.  But I am realistic. 

I had overheard a conversation between a few people about how animals are used.  They are used in testing make-up, medicines, diseases, military testing, drug detection, bomb detection, etc….  Animal lovers get theirselves all worked up, and understandably so, over animal testing.  I understand that people love cats, dogs, monkeys, dolphins, etc…  They are cute and cuddly (except dolphins, I don’t think you can cuddle a dolphin) and make little cute sounds that make some people’s hearts just melt.  They are passionate about how it is wrong, bad and cruel to use animals for testing.  I begin to lend a sympathetic ear to these folks until the realist in me kicks in.

I would rather take medicine that has been tested on lab rats to ensure that my stomach is not going to explode as a side effect than to gamble that it is safe without testing.  I would rather send a few dogs down a path searching out landmines and bombs than an 18 year old private that just joined the military.  I would rather use animals than humans. 

See, I value human life over animal life any day.  And if using and losing a few animals saves/helps millions and millions of humans I am OK with that.  Besides, it is not like we can test on humans anyway.  Ideally, I would like to use some of the wasted humans that are locked in jail cells and on death row.  I think they would make good test subjects.  And if we lose a few of those in the process of testing and for the greater good, I am OK with that as well.  Unfortunately, even on the scum of the earth we cannot test on. 

In the grand scheme of things, better a few dead dolphins, pigs, cats and rats then humans, in my opinion. 

I have hit 100 Posts on this blog experiment.  I have gone through my last 99 posts and it was interesting to read through this journey, this experiment of mine.  When I first started I was not sure what I would write about and how this would blog would progress.  Interestingly enough, material seems to present itself in most cases.

In my 100 posts I have found some interesting friends/readers. 

I went back and found that I wrote some pretty funny things.  I crack myself up.  I guess that I am easy to amuse.  I hope you all have found some enjoyment from this little blog.  What a long strange trip it has been.

Here is to looking forward to the next 100 posts.