Idle Ramblings of a Slightly Mad Man

My son and I are walking through the Acme (a local supermarket for those that live outside the greater Philadelphia area) to pick up a few things for the dinner that my wife was cooking for everyone. 

Me, being the good husband that I am, decided that taking the boy would be of benefit to my wife since he was just getting in the way of her cooking and just being a general all around pain in the rump.

So as the boy and I were strolling through the market, as is typical of any 5 year old, he was wanting any item that was on an endcap or display rack. 

“I want this” he would say.

“No, you don’t need a candy bar.  Dinner is really soon”, I would respond.

“Can I get this?”

“No.  You have plenty of cereal at home.  Put it back”

“I need this”

“Umm… no.  You don’t need tampons.  You have not gotten your period yet.”

So as we continued down the front aisle of the store, he was continuously lagging behind me as he was picking items up and asking for them.  I kept repeating to him that we were in a hurry and gave him several “Let’s go buddy!”

He yells back to me “I’m coming dickhead!”

The store manager, who was stocking coffee on and endcap spun his head around so fast that I am sure that he called out of work the next morning because of whiplash. 

Of course, since I am well known for laughing at inappropriate things, it was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing at his outburst. 

I told my wife about the incident and she has since removed all movies, cable and video games from his room.  She thinks that is where he got it from since we don’t talk like that. 

I see many visits to the principals office in my future because of this boy.

I am terrible when it comes to laughing at inappropriate times.  If there is something funny said or done when it is not the right place or time I will almost always laugh. 

This usually gets me into some trouble, especially my wife, who hates that I will embarrass her or, in the case of the children, encourage them to continue their funny ways.

The latest occurance is one involving my soon to be 5 year old son.  My wife and I were strolling through the local farmers market and were browsing in the furniture store where they make all the hand crafted wood tables and shelves and such and in there they also have many of the rustic or country decorations. 

My wife and I were very involved in looking in this store as we are looking for some new pieces to go with the newly painted rooms.  We were having a discussion when out of the handcrafted gazebo inside the store jumps out my son. 

He lands in a karate stance and yells “Look I am Michelangelo!”

He begins to swing wildly two hand crafted candles, the kind that have the wicks attached that you hang from a wall, like they are nunchucks. 

For all those that don’t get the Michelangelo reference, that is the name of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

My wife was mortified. 

I laughed. 

She scowled at me and yelled at him.  She yanked the candles from his hands and hung them back up in the gazebo and stormed out of the store all embarrassed leaving him and I standing there.

I took his hand to leave and find my wife when he looks up at me and says “That was a good one, wasn’t it?”

Yes Buddy, it was!

I’ll be the first one to admit it.  No one else needs to tell me.  I already know it.

The reason why is because I have been so busy lately.  Work has me going crazy and when I am not traveling for work I am home trying to get things done and spend time with the family. 

The important part is the spending time with family.  I have been trying to get things done around the house, painting, putting in windows doing yard work and gardening in addition to playing with the kids.  My body is extremely sore, I am up early and to bed late so that everyone gets equal time with me. 

Where is my me time?  Well, my wife would argue that I get it when I am traveling for work.  I don’t really call that me time.  I call that work. 

But because of all that is happening to me I have been neglecting this blog not to mention my forums listed to the right.  But let’s focus on the blog for the moment.  I feel that I am letting the readers, all 8 of you, down.  My posting is sporadic, my reading of blogs even less so, and commenting on those other blogs has been non existent.  There are some really great blogs out there that I read but never get a chance to comment on, Red, Teeni, Lemons, just to name a few. 

Also, because I have been busy, I have been so overwhelmed and yet uninspired to write.  There is nothing floating in this empty brain of mine that I even feel would be interesting to others to read.  To me, if it is some sort of drabble that even I wouldn’t read, well, I ain’t gonna write it. 

I’ve even thought of ending this blog, only for the reason that I don’t have the time.  The jury is still out on that but as of now, I’ll continue it.  Who knows, this slump may be over in a few weeks.  Time will tell. 

You all are going to have to bear with me as I go through this rough patch.  Hang in there. 

I really don’t have much to write about in a full post so I am going to post a bunch of quick little rambling comments if you all don’t mind.

• The painting part is pretty much done.  I have some touch ups to do when I get home this weekend (yes, I am traveling again for work in the NYC area) and I have one last window to install that I did not get to due to a friend issue  that ruined my day.  He’s still in jail, by the way.

• This new rental car I have for the week has been challenging to me.  Now I am a pretty smart guy but this Infinity G35 has one of those keyless ignitions that proved difficult for me to turn on.  The first three times I got it on by dumb luck before I figured out that you need to put your foot on the brake before bushing the On button.  I also had a difficult time opening the gas tank.  The car did not have any buttons or latches to make it open and I was just about ready to just pour the gas all over the outside of the car in hopes that some of it might reach the gas tank or be absorbed into the car through the cracks and then I discovered, that all I had to do was push on the right top of the gas door to open it. 

• I’ve talked about my Sister In Law Donna and the dumb things she says and I even have a whole section on this blog devoted to her donnaisms.  Her latest - wait for it - “Can you burn fire?”  Then, during the same night she was talking about how things are turning bad and said “It’s all down here now” instead of It’s all down hill now.  Yikes.

Like I said, a few odd little rambling items and none of them enough to make a full post but I did want to get them out there before I forgot them.

I’ve been on the Health Kick lately.  Even before we got the Wii Fit I was begining to get into trying to lose weight and slim down for summer. 

My wife started me walking in the morning.  She is also doing it.  She read in one of her woman magazines that walking in the moring right after you wake up jump starts your motabilism, gives you energy for the rest of the day and helps you lose weight quicker.

So every morning I wake up about 6:10 AM and out the door by 6:15 AM.  I walk for about 20 - 25 minutes around the neighborhood every morning, eat a bowl of Cheerios or Kashi and then hit the shower.  I have to admit that I do feel energized more in the morning than before.

Then along comes the Wii Fit and I find myself making sure that everyday I do the activities and logging in my walks and tracking my progress.  I find myself more focused on what I have been eating, more vegetables, more fruits, more nuts and less of the fried foods and junk foods.  My whole focus has changed for the better. 

Now that I am traveling again I am finding that I am still continuing to take my walks, either around the area of the hotel or in the hotel fitness room.  I am still eating more healthy and trying to practice the Wii Fit exercises in my hotel room even without the board and Wii system.

I have also signed up for my company’s health program.  They reward members of the program with significant money for goals met.  This is giving me even more incentive to be vigorous in my activities. 

By the time my vacation arrives in July and I head down the shore I should be able to wedge my fat ass and huge overlapping stomach into that little tiny powder blue speedo I used to wear for High School swim team.

I’ve lost 4 pounds this month.  I’m encouraged by my progress so far. 

I’m in the zone!

I had some final painting to do today, some trim work and some touch ups, that I thought I would knock out in short order and begin my weekend nice and early. 

I’ve been busting my hump trying to paint as much as I can around the house and some nights staying up until 2AM.  I got a good portion of the windows done too.  I still have to trim around the new windows but I can get that over the next few weekends.

As I said, touch ups and painting the trim was the plan and I had the house all to myself to do it.  I cranked the music up and prepared to get to it.  Then suddenly the day changed.

A friend, who has turned on everyone around him because of drugs, had showed up at my door.  I am sure that he was not suspecting me there today.  I suspect that he was thinking that I would be traveling or at work and that he would not have encountered anyone more than my wife at most.  Was he wrong.

The friend was kicked out of his house by his parents because of the lying, stealing, and the drugs.  The friend had stolen from others too, including from me.  He had warrents out for his arrest.  Everyone was wanting to get him, including me and here he was, at my door and inviting himself in.  I could tell he was on something and who knows what he wanted or had planned.

Several different scenarios played out in my head at the same time.  What was I to do?  What could I do?  What should I do?  How would I do it?

I did what I do best.

In three large quick leaps I covered about 10 feet of room and threw a right punch that I knew he would block with his right which opened up his right side to a hard left to the body.  This suprised him and staggered him back.  I grabbed him with both hands by the shirt and threw my head into his nose three times.  I could feel his blood now against my face.

Not giving him a moment to gain an advantage, I threw two quick rights to his left eye. 

By now he was starting to flail blindly and staggering across my living room.  He was trying to move/run/ get away to his right and I was not about to let him get away.  I kicked to the inside of his left knee causing it to buckle and he fell in pain to the floor. 

He was hunched over on all fours and in pain and I knew I had to end this quick.  I layed it all on.  I kicked and punched and kicked some more until he was not able to get up anymore.

I quickly ran down to my workbench in the basement where I knew I had some nylon clothesline and bound his arms and legs before calling the police.  While waiting for them I called his parents and called my wife.  His parents and brother arrived shortly after the police arrived.  My wife rushed home to find the house surrounded with police and an ambulance.

The police got statements frome everyone.  The friend has a broken nose, lost a tooth, cracked ribs and might have a torn ligament in his knee.  I suffered a few bruises and cuts and my knuckles on my hands are battered and bruised.

The friend will spend the weekend in jail on outstanding warrents in a few states and possible home invasion.  I did not receive anything because I was protecting my home and family. 

His parents are appreciative for having the courage to stand up to him and help to get him arrested and hopefully this will help get him off the drugs.  His parents woulr rather he be in jail then on drugs and living off the street and possibly putting himself or others in harms way.

For me, it has been a long and exhausting day.  I’ve been down at the station for a good part of the day, I’ve had every member of my family calling on the phone, I’ve had the friend’s family calling to thank me and assure me that I did the right thing.  But all in all, and this is the scary part, I found myself enjoying pounding into him a little too much.

I used to be a scrapper.  I used to get into fights all the time and then I learned to control myself.  I only fight as a last resort.  But today, I might have had other ways that I could have dealt with the situation but I chose to fight.  And I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it.

I need to decompress.  I need to just put this day behind me and not dwell on it.  Writing about it has helped me with getting it out but now I think I need to soak my hands and veg out to some TV. 

Sometimes you plan the day.  Other times it plans you.

Where have I been?  What have I been doing?  I’ve been on Vacation.  But not a fun one.  No way!

I decided to wait until the first heat wave of the summer came to replace windows and paint. 

Yes, while the thermometer was nearing 100 degrees, I was ripping out windows on my home and replacing them with more efficient, more modern ones.  Nothing helps test the running power of your air conditioner as a large gaping hole across from your thermostat.

Anyway, I have about 10 done so far this week with about 9 more to do.  If all goes well, I should have lower heating and cooling bills.  At least that is what all of the window and home improvement experts say.

I have also been up painting too.  I have a living room, dining room and a hallway that are in the process of being completed.  Last night I was up until 2AM trying to get done.

So if you find that Mr Ramblings has not visited your blog lately, just know that he is working his ass off on vacation! 

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately in the car traveling up and down the New Jersey Turnpike.  Work has had me on the road more than I have been home.  I’m road weary, beat up and tired of living out of a hotel, eating out and sleeping alone.

Since I am beaten down I am going to open up a little and let you into my mind. 

I love to listen to music but I find that when I am on long drives, like up and down the New Jersey Turnpike, I find that I cannot listen to music.  Why?  I have no idea.

I just know that I drive better listening to Talk Radio than when I am listening to music.  It could be anything, NPR, Rush Limbaugh, Sports Talk or some radio preacher, I just need some bland and boring talk in the car. 

It is not because I am lonely or crave the sound of the human voice.  It is not like I talk back to the people on the radio, or actually listen to what they say.  There is something about the drone of the talking that comforts me while I drive. 

I have found in the past that I have been driving at illegal speeds when listen to the radio.  I get a great song on and all of a sudden I look down at the speedometer and I’ll be pushing 90 mph.  On the NJ Turnpike 90 is usually the norm.

 Does this make me odd?  Probably.  I mean who listens to talk radio unless they really want to hear what is being said? 

That is the thing about my mind.  I have these totally weird, odd quirks that separate me from the normal. 

What have I learned from the radio?  Jesus loves me because I’m a Democrat hating Republican that thinks that Pete Rose should win the Stanley Cup in Israel because a Palestinian State would help the NFL drug policy become Hannaitized.

You’re all a great American!

My cousin had this girl that he was dating for a while before he ever introduced her to the family.  He was very secretive about her for the longest time. 

A few years ago, I had won 4 tickets for a New Years Eve bash thrown by a local radio station to a hot new night club.  I invited my cousin and his secretive girlfriend to join my wife and I and they accepted.  This would be the first time that my wife and the girlfriend would meet. 

That night, on the ride up to meet them, I told my wife that the girlfriend had a huge dark brown birthmark on her forehead right at her hair line and that she was really self conscious about it and whatever you do, don’t look at it.

I know that by telling her not to look it would only increase the desire, the urge, to try to sneak a look at her forehead.

I love to torture my wife or anyone else that I can.  Even at the expense of others. 

All night long I could see my wife trying hard to not look but yet try to sneak a peek when she could.  Being that my wife is a short little thing and my cousin’s girlfriend was taller than she is, my wife struggled to see her hair line.

Long story short, the evening was entertaining.  Finally, well into the night when my wife went to the ladies room, my cousin’s girlfriend asked if there was something wrong with herself because my wife kept looking strangely at her all evening.  I couldn’t help but laugh at her question.  I quickly filled her in on my prank.

My wife returned and shortly after that my cousin’s girlfriend told her that there was nothing wrong with her forehead and I was pulling a joke on her.  My wife, very unhappy and embarassed, made a small scene about how mean, rude and unfunny I was. 

Needless to say, I didn’t get to ring in the New Year with a bang.

I know I have been a slacker and not blogged in a very long time and I have been busy with real life, work, travel (have I mentioned that I am starting to get tired of NYC) and the NASCAR Dover Race and I promise that this week I will get all caught up with regular updates and Idle Ramblings. 

Think of this like a teaser or a commercial for Idle Ramblings. 

Did it work?  Does it leave you itching for more?  Does it leave you sitting on the edge of you seat wanting to know what happens next?!?!?!