How many different colors of white are there?

You are all familiar (and when I say all I mean the 3 regular readers I have now) with the Donnaisms I post from time to time and if you are not, check out the tab at the top of the page and read through a few.  I feel that I am now going to have to begin a whole new page just for the silly things my mother-in-law says to me. 

Maybe I’ll call it MILisms. 

Below is her latest MILism.

I was out with my wife doing some Christmas shopping in the mall and she called me and asked me if I was at Sears.  In the mall I was in there was a Sears but I was on the opposite end of the mall and I told her that I could stop there for her if she needed me to. 

She politely told me that it was not necessary for me to run all the way down there and thanked me anyway.  She then told me that she was worried that I might pick up the wrong color. 

I asked her what color she needed.  She told me white.

I burst out laughing hard in the middle of Boscov’s. 

I can’t make this stuff up.

Not Quite A Donnaism

The apple does not fall far from the tree. 

I have posted about Donnaisms and even created a whole page for them which you can find at the top of this blog.  But the one I am about to post is from my mother-in-law, the mother of my sister-in-law and my wife.

We are all sitting around my MIL’s house and their family friend had installed a new pellet stove in his basement in hopes that it would heat the rest of the house.

The friend said that it is not having the impact that he had hoped and he has tried everything.  He adjusted settings and turned this knob and that knob and still nothing.

My MIL looks at him and says “Maybe it only heats down” 

As if this was not funny enough and having us roll on the floor laughing, without missing a beat, the friend coolly replies “Just my luck.  I get the only one that only heats down”

None of us had a dry eye from laughing.  My sides hurt.  And as I write this I am still holding back laughter as I try to keep from disturbing my coworkers.

Things I Can Do Without Seeing

There are just some things a person should never have to see in their life.  And I am not talking about the really bad things like watching your house burn down, or you dad die in front of you or walking in on your parents having sex type of bad. 

What I am talking about is a little less bad.

I was walking through the mall this weekend trying to get some Christmas shopping done and I was walking past Victoria’s Secret and me being the guy that I am, I took a look into the store at the hot and sexy stuff in there being sold and what does my wandering eye spy????  My aunt.

My aunt was in there.  And she was not just walking and casually browsing either.  She was holding up a pair of panties like she was inspecting them for purchase.   Some sort of high cut blue things with some sort of design on them.

EEEwwwwww!!!!!

I hightailed it past there as quick as I could and wanted to find a sharp object to gouge out my eyeballs.  I wanted to hit my head so hard that I would suffer amnesia.  I wanted the image of my 50 something year old aunt looking at Victoria Secrets panties out of my head.

There are things I don’t need to see.  There are things I don’t want to know about people in my family.  Things I just don’t want in my head.  GET IT OUT!!!!

As I am walking  through another section of the mall she saw me and came up to me.  I could see in her hands was the Victoria Secret bag.  The whole time she was talking to me all I could think about was her panties.  I didn’t want to.  But I was. 

With time, I should be able to get past this trauma.  I should heal.  I hope.

All I Want For Christmas Is More Bratz Dolls

I hate seeing my little girl so upset and sad.  Seeing her eyes well up with tears and then glide sadly down her cheeks just kills me.  It’s heartbreaking.

What upset her so much?

She had over heard me and my wife talking last night about a story in the news yesterday about how a federal judge ruled that her beloved toy, The Bratz Doll, is to be pulled from store shelves after Christmas and that stores would no longer be allowed to sell the doll.  See Story Here.

My daughter is the type of child that can entertain herself for hours.  Give her paper and crayons, give her paints and a canvas or give her dolls and she will entertain herself for hours. 

The only toys she plays with the most is Bratz.  Why does she prefer them over Barbies?  I have no idea.  And she was not going to answer that question for me last night in the condition she was in.

I probably should have done a better job with making sure she was in bed and asleep before I had the conversation with my wife but the cat is out of the bag and that horse has left the stable.

All this ruling does is hurt the children.  I can understand  Mattel doing what they have to do to protect the Barbie and filing the suit to begin with but can’t there be monetary compensation instead of taking away a child’s beloved toy?

This is just another sign of a greedy adult ruining another childhood for a child.

As I was putting my daughter to bed, she looked up at me with her red puffy eyes and told me that all she wants for Christmas is more Bratz dolls.  She doesn’t want them to go away.

Merry #%$&ing Christmas

When You Gotta Go

The Scene – Friendly’s restaurant (I know, not great food but we needed something quick and cheap) with the family.  We are seated in our booth.  The booth behind me was empty, the booth to my left has an older couple, the booth behind my wife had a family of 4 seated. 

We’ve just begun to sit down and eat our meals.  When suddenly, out of the blue, my boy stands up in the booth, grabs his crotch and loudly proclaims, “I gotta go before i piss myself!”

The older couple to my left, well, the old lady nearly chokes on her coffee.  The family of 4, the parents, I could see were shocked but the 2 boys were giggling.

My wife was turning red and feeling embarrassed.  My daughter was giggling.

Me?  I grab the boy and take him to the bathroom before he pisses himself.

The kid kills me.