I’m Out Dated!
The scene is a Supermarket, the non foods aisle. Specifically, Aisle 2 - hairspray, shampoo, hair dyes, hair clips, hair ties hair nets and brushes and combs. Everything one might need for hair it’s there.
My wife and I are in that aisle, and as we casually walk the aisle, my wife and I are conversing about nothing. Literally nothing. I whimsically make a comment that I can’t believe that Aquanet still exists and I tell her the same old story about when I was in High School, had the long rocker hair that would be teased up like I was member of some 80’s hairband and how my friends and I in the band would douse our hair with Aquanet and rock out. If only Liquid Life took off and rocked the world.
She is only half paying attention to me as I am pushing the cart and she is walking in front of it scanning the price tags for the sale prices and checking if we have coupons to match. This is the hell my life has become.
We stop at the end of the aisle, in front of the hair clips, hair ties, fake hanging hair attached to clips, brushes and combs and the following conversation occurs totally out of the blue.
Wife: You need a new brush!
Me: I need a new brush?
Wife: Yes.
Me: Why?
Wife: Yours is out dated.
Me: It’s what?!?!
Wife: It’s out dated.
Me: It’s out dated.
Wife: Yes. You’ve had it since high school probably.
Me: Ok. Let’s assume that you are correct for a moment and that I have had that brush since high school. How can a brush be out dated?
Wife: Have you seen your brush?
Me: Ummm…. yes. And it looks just like that one (pointing to a similar one on the shelf). It fully serves its function without fail. It brushes my hair. It’s functional and operational. I did not realize that brushes have expiration dates. I did not know that they go out of style. I did not know that my brush was a fashion statement. I didn’t know that I was no longer hip because I have held onto a brush longer than I have held onto my Members Only jacket. You should be thankful that I no longer carry my comb in my back pocket. Carrying combs in the back pocket - that is out dated. My brush, I’m thinking not so much.
Wife: Now you’re just being an idiot.
Me: Me?!?!
Wife: Never mind. Keep using that old stupid brush of yours.
Me: Ummm…. I was planning on it.
Wife: Good!
Me: Good. Besides, it wasn’t on sale and we didn’t have a coupon for it.
an outdated hairbrush? What does it look like?
LOL. Yes, really. We need photos of your outdated hairbrush! LOL.
Absolutely. Do, please show us the hairbrush in question. The only thing I can think of that could POTENTIALLY outdate your brush is if it has that little spray bottle built into the handle for extra hairspray.
I’m thinking it must be pretty bad for it to be outdated….
My BF has a brush that is totally GNARLY (from use and hair product). It is misshapen and has product build-up on it. But outdated? I don’t really get it.
Now I’m starting to worry that mine is outdated and I just don’t know it. How humiliating!
Gwen - YES! I totally remember the brushes with the hairspray bottle. Classic.
You may want to start hiding said brush when company comes over. You don’t want to get people talking.
Next thing you know you get excommunicated from the neighborhood, the whole family has to have their names changed and become wards of the state, moving from town to town trying to hide the shame you’ve brought upon them all.
I’m afraid I’m gonna have to remove you from my blogroll. I can’t have this stigma flowing over into my realm. Geez dude, get a new contemporary hair brush already.
Oh yes, sirreeee! you can have an outdated brush.
And Aquanet?!!! Hells yes!