Like Son Like Father

My turn to go to the Emergency Room.  Unlike my son I did not stick a wooden dowel into the back of my mouth.  I did however have a swollen face and was in extreme pain. 

Last night about 7pm I started to feel a slight pain in the neck (No it was not my wife nagging me) and it was starting to hurt to swallow (Keep your x-rated comments to yourself) and to talk.  As the night progressed it was starting to get worse.  I tried some honey with my tea and sucking on throat lozenges and it did nothing to take away the pain.  I also had some of that throat spray for the kids and that did nothing for the pain.  By 3am I was in excruciating pain.  I have been in fights and been hit in the face and that pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  This was bad.

By 4am, after lying awake for awhile, I decided that I could not put up with it any longer, so I got into the shower to try some heat from the shower but I was unsuccessful in easing the pain, nor could I wait until 9am when my family doctors office opened.  I dressed and told my wife at 5am that I was off to the ER.  By this time I could barely talk, swallow, spit or move my head.

The pain went from just below my ear to midway down my throat on the right side.  My face had puffed to a rather larger than normal size and head and mouth movement was out of the question.  After the doctor in the ER examined me the nurse came in to take blood.  This never bothers me and right now with as much pain as I was in, even if it did hurt it would take my mind, although briefly, off the pain in my face and neck.  The nurse told me that they wanted to give IV pain killer, antibiotics and a steroid to begin some sort of treatment and to give me relief.  I don’t know what the meds were called because of the pain I was in I was barely listening to her but they were good.

The first one, the steroid, went in without any issues.  I felt it go in, there was a slight burn around where the IV was and that was it.  The second one, the pain medicine, she told me that it could make my heart race but it was nothing to worry about and that it would go away in a few moments.  I waited and waited and my heart never began to race.  Instead, (I am not lying about this) my asshole started to itch really really bad.  I was so uncomfortable for about 5 minutes and it was the worst itching I have ever endured.  Being that I was fully clothed and that she was still in the room there was no way for me to even relieve the itching by scratching.  Talk about agony.  Lastly, she gave me the antibiotic which made my mouth taste like metal. 

My mother arrived after the IV and sat with me.  My wife had called her to sit with me so that my mom could also hear what the doctor had to say.  It was nice that she sent my mom and it was nice that my mom would come spend the morning with me.  I was to go to see an Ear, Nose, Throat doctor in the hospital to get his opinion and before they did that, since I was still in pain, they gave me another pain medicine.  Thankfully, this one did not make my anus itch like the other one.  It did however, give me the sensation of being high and floating and the giggles.  It worked really quickly because for the first time I could fully open my mouth and swallow. 

Once we got to the ENT he looked in my ears, my nose and my throat and determined that I have a blocked saliva gland.  I have an infection that formed a stone, like a kidney or gall stone, and that blockage is causing all the pain.  I am to keep taking my antibiotics and pain meds, suck on hard candy, warm compresses and massaging the area until I get relief and the stone passes. 

So here I am, writing in my blog, doped up on Vicoden and lord knows what else for my fans, all 5-6 of you.  If it is all a mess I blame it on the drugs.  If it is a wonderful read I blame it on my genius