Idle Ramblings of a Slightly Mad Man

I have hit 100 Posts on this blog experiment.  I have gone through my last 99 posts and it was interesting to read through this journey, this experiment of mine.  When I first started I was not sure what I would write about and how this would blog would progress.  Interestingly enough, material seems to present itself in most cases.

In my 100 posts I have found some interesting friends/readers. 

I went back and found that I wrote some pretty funny things.  I crack myself up.  I guess that I am easy to amuse.  I hope you all have found some enjoyment from this little blog.  What a long strange trip it has been.

Here is to looking forward to the next 100 posts. 

This is a true story that really happened and it is funny as hell.

 On my way home from work one night I stopped at a local Chinese restaurant to order some takeout.  I gave my order to the older Chinese woman behind the counter and gave her my name and then I sat in the seats by the door waiting for my order to be prepared.  While waiting a Black woman and her friends came in to place their order.  They had placed their order with the same older Chinese woman.  The Chinese woman asked the Black woman her name.  Here is the actual exchange….

Chinese woman (CW) - Name?

Black Woman (BW) - ShaynaQuay

CW - What?

BW - ShaynaQuay

CW - Oh no!  That be too hard.  You be Carol now.

The CW walked away with her order back to the kitchen leaving the BW stunned and speechless.  Her three friends started laughing to the point where they were crying.  I have to admit that I did too.  We laughed and laughed at what had just transpired and people sitting in the restaurant eating were all looking at us wondering what was just so damn funny. 

I think that if the BW didn’t have her friends with her it would have been an ugly scene.  I laughed and cried the whole way home and all through dinner.  Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant now I always remember this story.

Oh no!  That be too hard.  You be Carol now!

Search engine terms.  This is a stat that WordPress keeps for you on your Dashboard page.  Reading the search engine terms that draw traffic to my blog is at times very amusing.  Below is a listing of several in the past few weeks that have drawn people over to my blog.   I was inspired by a few others I read regularly who have posted their search engine terms recently.

“How to control Mad Man” - if this is an issue of yours then you need the police, not Google

“What rhymes with squirrel” - Good question.  Karnack I am not.

“Where does cereal come from” - A cereal box idiot!!!!  Everyone knows that!

I get tons of hits from scabs and several about teabagging and teabaggers, go figure.

There seems to be a lot of folks confused about toilet paper.  Here are several of the more humorous search engine terms used….

“How to put Toilet Paper on Toilet Parer Roll” - you can use a computer but you can’t put a roll of TP on the holder? 

“Replace Toilet Paper” - another genius

“Toilet Ramblings” - is this really someones issue?  I thought I had issues

“Using toilet paper off the floor” - Toilet Ramblings is looking less astonishing right about now.  Why would you even want to consider using TP off the floor?  Get a fresh one off the roll.

This one surprised me - “Polish Black Slur” - WTF?  When have I ever come close to this?

“How does a shower work?” - I have a scary feeling that this one, even though they can use a computer and work the Internet, has never taken a shower. 

“How do I know my moles are normal” - You don’t.  People go to school a very long time for this.  They are called DOCTORS!

The Internet never ceases to amaze me.

I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  I am burned, sleepless and spent.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

I went to the NASCAR Nextel Cup race in Dover, Delaware yesterday.  It was one of the best races and race days at Dover in a long time, in my opinion.  It started with the weather.  When I was loading up the car at 3:30 am it was extremely humid and muggy but by the time we got to Dover and parked the humidity had dropped considerably and the morning was cool to where I needed long pants.

We took a short walk through the parking lot to the Dover casino/hotel to where they serve the breakfast buffet track-side.  There were changes to the menu this year and the food was much better than usual.  At $12 a person it is well worth it to fill up your tummies.  Once had completed breakfast it was off to the trailers and track-side events.   I love track-side events.  I get free toilet paper, deodorant, pet food, body wash, t-shirts and Tylenol. 

The race was excellent.  There was great quality racing on the track and drama all around.   Carl Edwards won (even though his car failed post race inspection.  He will be fined and docked points I am sure) and did his signature back-flip in front of where we were sitting. 

We left after the race and made it home in no time at all.  Usually at Dover we have to sit in traffic for hours.  Not this time.  A perfect end to a perfect day.   Even though I had ample sleep last night I am still extremely tired today.  I don’t know how I will make it through work.

My wife received a letter in the mail from QVC (that shopping network) inviting her to come watch live their show “For Race Fans Only” from the track at Dover Delaware.  Their special guest at the show is Jeff Gordon. 

I am not a Jeff Gordon fan by any means.  I really don’t like him at all.  I think that he is a great driver but I am just not a fan.  My wife and I thought it would be cool to go see them put on the show and it would be interesting to see Gordon.  We made the drive down to the track.

The invite said that doors would open at 7pm for the 8:00 show.  We arrived at 7:20 and there must have been close to 500 people there.  Where they had us sitting was terrible.  We had to sit almost 50 yards from the show stage where we could not hear at all nor could we see the show, the host, the items, nothing.  I was annoyed, angry and disappointed all at the same time. 

In reality, it was a total waste of a night. 

People post blogs of many different lengths.  Some are short quick reads and some are long reads.  Which do you prefer?

I know for me when I am searching out new blogs to read I tend to be drawn to short quick little posts that are interesting, then as I get to know the poster I enjoy their longer posts.  That is just me.  I am curious as to what you like when you search out a new blog.  I am also curious as to if you like to read short quick posts or long rambling posts. 

Consider this an informal poll.

Yep!  I went to see them in concert last night at the Wachovia Center in Philly.  They sounded great and it was awesome to see them.  I had never seen them in concert and this was such a treat.  I was looking forward to this all summer.  They played nice long old instrumental classics and their hits like “Invisible Touch” and “Land of Confusion”.  For a bunch of old guys they sounded fantastic. 

I do miss the days when concerts were held at the old Spectrum in Philly.  Sure, you would walk in there and your feet would get stuck to the floor from the dried soda and beer and crushed carmel corn, etc…  The acoustics were much better at the Spectrum.  The sound was much better at the Spectrum.  The Wachovia Center is great for sports but for concerts - not so much.

I did not get to see hardly any concert this summer.  Actually, I didn’t see any.  Hmmmm….  That is unusual for me. 

Needless to say, my voice is a little horse and I’m still a little hard of hearing.  Even though I am still slightly under the weather, this show made me feel much better.  Now I can finally say that I have seen Genesis in concert.

Just wanted to give an update that I am feeling better and that this blocked gland thing feels like it is going away.  I will get back to writing regularly after I get out of this painkiller fog that I am in at the moment and after I catch up on all the stuff I have put off the past few days. 

Thank you to all my friends out there for the well wishes and good thoughts.  I appreciate it. 

My turn to go to the Emergency Room.  Unlike my son I did not stick a wooden dowel into the back of my mouth.  I did however have a swollen face and was in extreme pain. 

Last night about 7pm I started to feel a slight pain in the neck (No it was not my wife nagging me) and it was starting to hurt to swallow (Keep your x-rated comments to yourself) and to talk.  As the night progressed it was starting to get worse.  I tried some honey with my tea and sucking on throat lozenges and it did nothing to take away the pain.  I also had some of that throat spray for the kids and that did nothing for the pain.  By 3am I was in excruciating pain.  I have been in fights and been hit in the face and that pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  This was bad.

By 4am, after lying awake for awhile, I decided that I could not put up with it any longer, so I got into the shower to try some heat from the shower but I was unsuccessful in easing the pain, nor could I wait until 9am when my family doctors office opened.  I dressed and told my wife at 5am that I was off to the ER.  By this time I could barely talk, swallow, spit or move my head.

The pain went from just below my ear to midway down my throat on the right side.  My face had puffed to a rather larger than normal size and head and mouth movement was out of the question.  After the doctor in the ER examined me the nurse came in to take blood.  This never bothers me and right now with as much pain as I was in, even if it did hurt it would take my mind, although briefly, off the pain in my face and neck.  The nurse told me that they wanted to give IV pain killer, antibiotics and a steroid to begin some sort of treatment and to give me relief.  I don’t know what the meds were called because of the pain I was in I was barely listening to her but they were good.

The first one, the steroid, went in without any issues.  I felt it go in, there was a slight burn around where the IV was and that was it.  The second one, the pain medicine, she told me that it could make my heart race but it was nothing to worry about and that it would go away in a few moments.  I waited and waited and my heart never began to race.  Instead, (I am not lying about this) my asshole started to itch really really bad.  I was so uncomfortable for about 5 minutes and it was the worst itching I have ever endured.  Being that I was fully clothed and that she was still in the room there was no way for me to even relieve the itching by scratching.  Talk about agony.  Lastly, she gave me the antibiotic which made my mouth taste like metal. 

My mother arrived after the IV and sat with me.  My wife had called her to sit with me so that my mom could also hear what the doctor had to say.  It was nice that she sent my mom and it was nice that my mom would come spend the morning with me.  I was to go to see an Ear, Nose, Throat doctor in the hospital to get his opinion and before they did that, since I was still in pain, they gave me another pain medicine.  Thankfully, this one did not make my anus itch like the other one.  It did however, give me the sensation of being high and floating and the giggles.  It worked really quickly because for the first time I could fully open my mouth and swallow. 

Once we got to the ENT he looked in my ears, my nose and my throat and determined that I have a blocked saliva gland.  I have an infection that formed a stone, like a kidney or gall stone, and that blockage is causing all the pain.  I am to keep taking my antibiotics and pain meds, suck on hard candy, warm compresses and massaging the area until I get relief and the stone passes. 

So here I am, writing in my blog, doped up on Vicoden and lord knows what else for my fans, all 5-6 of you.  If it is all a mess I blame it on the drugs.  If it is a wonderful read I blame it on my genius

As I was cleaning the house this morning (alone I might add as my wife went out with friends to Borders) I got to wondering about how the roles of men and women have changed.  It used to be that you would never find a man working around the house doing the house cleaning.  That was the womans job.  Now it seems that more and more men are sharing in the chores of helping to clean the house.  I am sure I am not alone in this.  I am sure that it is more common than I think.  Is there still men out there that flat out refuse to do any cleaning inside the home?  Is there any men that do all the cleaning in the home? 

I won’t do all the cleaning but I will vacuum, scrub down countertops, mop the floor, etc….  I hate cleaning the bathroom.  Is there anything I won’t clean?  I don’t think so.  Being that it is my house I guess I have a responsibility/duty to clean everything.  I was just wondering what the other men out there do around the inside of the house.   

Am I the new domestic God?