Comments(4) Daddy mole, Momma mole and Baby mole were all going up the mole hole when Daddy mole stops suddenly. What are Mommy mole and Baby mole doing? Sniffing molasses
Comments(5) I have an unusual mole problem. I have moles. Lots of them. Or at least I did. And I am not talking about the furry little rodents that make a mess of gardens and yards. I am talking about the kind on the human body.
My wife was looking at my back during one night of popping my back pimples. She is a picker. She likes to pick my zits and peel my skin after my sunburn and stuff like that. She is odd that way. As she was doing her picking she thinks that a few of the moles on my back have changed color, grew larger, moved lower and any other bad thing she can think of that moles do. Let me take an aside here for a moment. My wife has been trying to get me to go to doctors regularly since we met. She is “concerned for my health” but what I really think is that she trying to figure out when she can cash in for the life insurance money. See, my father died when he was 43. My wife thinks I only have 10 more years left. Now, back to my moles. My grandfather goes every few months to a Dermotologist to get things cut off, frozen and removed from his skin and every few months he gets a report back that some were cancerous and some were not. Now my wife is worried that I might be the same way. She convinced me to call a Dermotologist to get these moles of mine inspected.
I have 3 in the lumbar region of my back. Listen to me sounding all medical. I only know that it is on my lumbar because that is what the doctor said. When I went into the exam room and the Dermotologist asked where are the moles I want him to look at I just called it my lower back, now I know it is the lumbar. Sounds like it should be made of wood.
Anyway, I tried my best to point to where the moles are, which was difficult because they were in an area where my hands and arms don’t quite bend and reach. In fact if I could bend that way I would be in the circus. I could have just said to him to look in that red, slightly sunburned area on my lower back that I can’t quite reach to put suntan lotion on, which is probably why these moles have been an issue recently because I can’t quite reach back there. He looks back there, touching them, examing them and then does a quick scan of the rest of my body. He looks at a few more and then returns to the 3 on my back. He asks me if I have always had them back there. I respond back “Maybe not in the womb, but shortly after.” The doctor seemed unphased by my humor.
He sits on his little stool and tells me that they look fine but, given my family history, He would like to remove them and send them to a lab to be sure. He explains that the proceedure requires a couple of little needles around the area that will numb me and he will then slice and dice the moles. The proceedure doesn’t take long and there is not stitching or anything. I just keep some Neosporin and bandages over them and they will heal into little pink areas. After he says all that he looks at me and smiles. And smiles. And smiles. I wait for him to say more. After sitting there uncomfortably in silence for what seems like minutes but probably only 15 seconds, I ask the doctor if I should schedule this proceedure with his receptionist on my way out. He responds back that he would like to do it now. Why the hell didn’t he say that in the first place!?!?
He tells me to roll over on my back, which I do, and I can feel him begin sticking me with the needle to numb the area. He does about 7 areas around the 3 moles. He then goes to work on removing the moles and in about 5 minutes I am done. He is holding gauze over the area while his assitant prepares a bandage the size of Utah for my back. Before applying the Utah sized bandage, he reaches for this little tool that I recognize from the woodshop classes I had in Highschool. He proceeds to cauterize the cuts to prevent more bleeding (looking at the bandage last night when I removed it, it did not work). So now the room smells of burning flesh. My burning flesh. He now applies the over-sized bandage and tells me that I can get up now and get dressed. Before leaving the room so that I can get dressed, he tells me to call in week to learn my results.
Because of the size of the bandage, I had a difficult time getting my shirt on over my head. Just the slightest movement made the bandage pull on the surrounding skin and made it difficult to dress, drive, write, type, just about anything that requires me to use my back, which is everything. Thankfully, after my wife arrived home last night, I was able to trade out the huge bandage for a couple of little Band-aids. I tried to look in the mirror at where the moles were and it looks like I’ve been shot 3 times. I guess now I have to wait a week to see what the doctor says. In the meantime I at least made my wife happy, I went to a doctor.
