Life Changes for a Friend

I was at a conference yesterday when my co-worker informed me that she is pregnant.  It’s not mine.  She was a little upset, it was totally unexpected.  I explained to her that it was a wonderful thing and she should be happy.

 

That was about as sensitive I get.  The conversation went south from there.  I proceeded to let her know how her life will change.  I started to rattle off the list of things that will change.  Her world travels are over, she will not have the time, money or the freedom to take European trips every year.  She will have to trade the Mini-Cooper in for a minivan.  No matter what ever happens with her relationship with her husband she will have to have some sort of contact with him for at least the next 18 years.  Her free time will consist of when she is in the bathroom, and sometimes not even then. 

 

After a few moments of this conversation I could tell that she was regretting the fact that she had told me the news.  I once again told her how it would all be worth it.  I explained that my kids are now at the age where my wife and I are slowly getting our lives back.  I can finally pick the guitar and play it again for about 15 minutes before on of my kids are yelling that the other one is doing something that warrants my attention.  I am also glad that I can play on the guitar songs other than Barney, Wiggles, Silly Joe and all those other kid songs. 

 

I told her that she will be a good mom.  I told her that she has values and morals that will help this child grow up to be a well rounded individual.  As we left the conference, we were walking towards her car, the Mini-Cooper, and I looked for a moment at the car and then to her and said “I hope you don’t have twins.”

Soul vs VooDoo

I went to the Soul game last night.  The team came out to win.  Right from team introductions you knew that tonight was going to be different.  They came out of the tunnel to be introduced as a team.  No individuals.  Our quarterback Tony Grazaini came back after being out for a few games for a separated shoulder.  The Soul Defense lead by Eddie Moten and Mike Brown made the VooDoo’s night a difficult one. The boys on defense came out with some very hard hits on members of the VooDoo.  The real story on the field was the Special Teams.  All game long the special teams did not allow the VooDoo to return any kicks.  All night long the Voodoo’s starting position was their own 5 yard line.  The Soul scored a franchise high 78 points at this event. 

 

Go Soul

What have I learned?

I wrote two blogs over the past few days.  Both on very different subjects but yet I felt that both were funny and entertaining stories.  I have discovered that if I write about children the number of hits my blog gets goes through the roof. 

 Who’d a thunk it, eh?

The Riding Mower

My next door neighbor knocked on my door tonight and asked if I would be able to drive my truck over to Sears and pick up a new patio set that he and his wife had picked out.  Being the nice guy that I am I said yes.

 So I drove over to Sears and parked at the pick up area and waited while he went inside to pay and pick up his merchandise.  While I sat with the truck I saw that in front of me was a Dodge Caravan with it’s rear hatch opened and the seats inside taken out or put down.  Two metal ramps were leading into the back of the van.  Very shortly I noticed two Sears employees pushing a riding lawnmower down the handicap ramp and around to the back of the van.  These tow employees took a couple of moments to line up this riding mower’s tires to the ramps.  When they finally had the tires lined up the two guys, using a running start pushed the mower up the incline.

BAM!!!!!

At the top of the incline the mower had come to a sudden stop as the mower’s steering wheel did not clear the top opening of the back of the Caravan.  Cursing, the two Sears employees pondered what to do next.  Determined not to let this small set back deter them, the one employee ran back into the store leaving the other to hold the mower in place.  The mower was partially in the van, mostly out. 

When the employee returned with wrenches it looked certain that removal of the steering wheel was about to take place.  As the first employee was trying to get the steering wheel off the second employee, still holding the mower in place and really starting to show the strain, came up with the idea that letting some air out of the tires of the mower would be the most prudent move. 

While holding the mower in place the employee strained to reach the left rear tire of the riding mower and removed the cap and began to let the air out.  This prompted the other employee to work on the right rear.  This move ended up being a victory for the Sears employees as they were able to now move the mower past the steering wheel.

BAM!!!

The mower abruptly stopped again as this time the seat of the riding mower hung up on the opening of the Caravan.  The employees, knowing the success of letting the air out of the rear tires, decided to continue to let the remaining air out of the tires.  As they pushed more they were not able to clear the seat.  The one Sears employee pulled down on the mower as hard as he could so that the other could bleed as much air as he could.  After removing all the air as possible the mower still would not enter the Caravan.  The Sears employee moved to the front tires and let the air out of both front tires.  Still a little tight and not quite able to fit into the rear the Sears employee pulled the ramps out from under the rear tires leaving the other Sears employee to wedge to mower into the van.  This finally allowed the mower, after some pushing, pulling and wiggling, to enter the rear of the Caravan.

The two Sears employees all but high-fived each other for successfully putting the riding lawn mower into the van.  Four flat tires and all.

What I will not be able to see, which should prove to be just as entertaining, is how the owner of this brand new riding lawn mower is going to remove the mower from his van. 

Kids say the funniest….

The other day my seven year old daughter was sitting on the sofa watching TV with the cat when she made a sudden movement that spooked the cat.  I saw the cat take off running for the other room.  I asked her what had happened to which she replied matter-of-factly “I just scared the hell out of the cat”

 Seven years old hmmm?

My four year old is riding in my sisters car with her family.  My sister is trying to get out of a spot where she had to parallel park.  The spot was really tight and she had a tough time getting out of the space.  Trying to make a funny my sister says “looks like we are stuck here” to which my son cries out “Aww Sh!t!”

At that point I think my sister was really stuck there as she laughed until she cried.

My sister’s next door neighbor got a detention at his elementary school for cursing.  Over my sisters house he proudly announced to us that he got his detention because he used the “S” word.  My niece, not missing a beat, proclaims that her cousin says the word all the time and never gets detention for it. 

 I get the feeling that maybe the color metaphors are getting too much use around the house. 

The man on the side of the road

I was driving to work this morning and along the side of the road on the right shoulder was this guy in his late 50’s standing outside of his Bronco and holding papers with large writing on it.  Being in the far left lane I could not read what it had to say on the papers and I was also trying to keep an eye on the traffic that has slowed down to also try to read what this guy had written.  This guy was angry and upset that no one was getting his message.  He was shaking his fist in the air and yelling at cars.  If this guy was in need of help he was not making it desirable to pull over and assist him.

As  I made it past him and the back up traffic started to speed back up again.  It got me to thinking about this guy.  What if he was really in need of help?  What if he had an emergency?  I then thought about why people may not be inclined to pull over to help this person.  It was morning rush hour.  People have to get to work on time.  They can’t be late.  Maybe it was the way this guy was acting.  Maybe it was because that someone that was inclined to help can’t get over to the right to help.  All 3 lanes of traffic was now grid locked and slow because of this guy.  I don’t have an answer as to why everyone else did not stop.  I did the only thing I could do at that moment.  Continue driving through the traffic leaving the man to fend for himself but not before calling 911 and letting them know where this man was.  I hope they were able to help him.

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day.  All the restaurants are crammed. 

 Every Sunday I like to go out for breakfast and enjoy good food with my family.  On this day I have to wait in line for a table for over half an hour where otherwise I would have no wait at all, all because some poor schlubs think that once a year it would be nice to treat mom.

So I make this request for next year, since it is too late this year.  STAY AT HOME!!!!  Don’t try to cram a years worth of niceness to mom in one morning.  Do it all year long or don’t do it at all.

 And if you do take her out, take her to somewhere nice, not my little dive of a restaurant that I like to go to every Sunday.

 Happy Mothers Day! 

Donnaism Part 1

I have a sister-in-law that known to say some pretty stupid and strange things.  The latest one just occurred.  She was having some trouble with something of hers and she called me for help.  I would usually help but since I am traveling this week and I am not home I could not help her.  The following exchange really happened.

 Me:  I can’t help you from here.  Maybe you should call the toll free number for help.

Her:  Is it a free toll free number?

Me: (can’t stop laughing)

Her:  (hangs up phone)

I’m boring

I’ve decided that I live a pretty uninteresting life.  I have not done anything at all lately other that work, come home and eat and watch TV, sleep and then it starts all over again.  I even bore myself.  It gets very hard to write a blog if I am boring.

I read some other blogs and all of these other people have all kind of events going on in their lives and having fun.  It leaves me wondering about the validity of some of these blogs I read.  Are people really doing all the activities that they write about?  Are they really living a more eventful life than me?  Me?  All I do is eat, sleep and work.

I had to travel south for work today.  It was boring.  Nothing happened.  It was so boring I didn’t even hit traffic in DC like I usually do.   Not that I want anyone to get injured but as I was driving along I was kinda hoping that I would see an accident.  Not a little fender-bender but a big multi-car accident that leaves debris all over the roadway.  But was I lucky enough?  Nope.

Even though I am bored I have to say that I am pretty content.  I am happy, financially comfortable, and enjoy life. 

 I still have to drive home this weekend.  Maybe I’ll get to see that big wreck.

Philadelphia’s Lost Soul

Last night the entire family went to the Philadelphia Soul game.  This was the first time I took my son who is going on 4.  I was amazed at how well behaved he was.  I thought for sure that we would have been leaving by halftime. 

The Soul did not play well at all.  Their quarterback,  Wood, played absolutely horrible by throwing interceptions and fumbling repeatedly.  I was surprised that he did not get pulled from the game.  I doubt that he will start next week.  I pray that he does not start next week.  Unfortunately it is another few weeks before Graz comes back from injured reserve. 

This loss now puts the Soul at 4-5.  The begining of the season looked magical because the team was playing so well winning the first 4 games.  But now they just look broken.  The Soul still have a chance to make the playoffs again but they will need to start playing better both on offense and defense.  The season is not yet lost.  I still maintain hope that the Soul find that winning spirit and get back to winning games.